If only I knew it was always going to have been this way. Or perhaps it would have been if I didn't stress so much last year. I wonder about what life could have been if I raised her here in Sydney with her doting grandparents and cousins galore. We had a barbecue the other night with family and in the midst of eight other children she'd just met running around playing cheerfully, she stood on the sidelines every so often trying to catch the attention of another child to play with her. I worried so much then that that could be her in nursery, that she had no idea how to gain the attention of her peers. What if she didn't have the social skills to make friends because I didn't teach her the right way? I don't remember any bosom buddies from when I was that little. Also, what if it was my fault because I didn't have regular play dates for her with familiar kids so that she knew what it was like to have a friend?
It's hard not knowing what to do because it is your first child. But despite all the longings of how much better the Motherhood and her childhood experience could have been in Syd because of the people we know here, we kept longing for London's culture, the European travels and the routine of our quiet lives back in Putney whilst we were here. I surprisingly did not go crazy shopping this trip. Something to do with having a shoebox flat perhaps.
Seeing her love her grandparents' home so much has been endearing. Everyday she knows to play in the lounge by herself and to come to the kitchen to be fed. She has been so content living here the past ten days. Not a day has she really pestered me for 'Gai gai' our word for going out. But she would pester her grandma for more food and give a massive cheeky smile when presented with her own bowl of noodles even if she was really tired. And the parroting on this trip has been fun. I have heard her discover so many words and even stringing two word sentences together. Amazing! Her grandparents have even asked us to leave her here for a year, which I shall take as compliment on how well behaved they have found her this trip.
I think we got lucky because she hasn't quite reached the terrible twos just yet. She is so quietly determined to achieve the things she set out to such as climbing her cousins' bunk bed in HK that I have no doubt the year ahead will be a struggle for me. Will I discipline her? Will she respond? Will I be up to the task of teaching her the right etiquette, cultural references, language and attitude?
It's hard to tell. Even as I type this post, WhatsApp notifications pop up with my bestie telling me she is such a good kid. I hope I don't ruin her with my bad habits and won't let laziness and forgetfulness sneak in with bad parenting styles.
That's all I can hope for I suppose. I need to tirelessly dedicate the next twenty years of my life guiding and nurturing her and not try to smother her or crowd her judgement or confidence. Heres hoping that I'd remember that.
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