A Parisian Easter

We are finally aboard the two hour delayed Eurostar heading backwards to London after five days of soaking in the cultural history and decadent delicacies.

It seems surreal to be able to provide for my family in these times, to make memories whilst others are suffering through terrible times. I pushed out the anxieties threatening to overtake my mind and tried hard to focus on my family. 

The bright blue skies and pastries helped the course. We had troopers walking an average of fifteen thousand steps per day the past week. Taking in Paris without complaint of meltdowns until we were back at our Airbnb. We steered the children away from paid playgrounds and introduced them to new pleasures such as sailing wooden boats, finding la Jaconde, climbing into maze hedges at Jardin Tuileries, jumping and climbing Palais Royale’s columns, walking up the Eiffel Tower, watching a flash mob dance-off at Trocadero gardens, lighting candles and praying together at the Sacre Cour, street art appreciation in the streets of Montmarte, Easter egg hunting on the walls of Macdonalds, playing on the interactive wall in Galeries Lafayette, freezing water in plastic bottles to take to the amusement park for a particularly hot day.

Two little girls, as different as they came, learnt to walk along the streets of Paris playing non-digital games, using their imagination and observing how French children behaved ( sadly none of their delightful habits rubbed off). They still managed to make me proud of them in their own ways despite me realising they are likely not as well behaved as the meek Asian children are raised to be. My family back home may struggle with accepting them, but I love their courage and curiosity. I love their positivity and adventurous spirits. Overall my fears of losing them in Paris went unfounded as they exercised caution mostly and always stuck by. 

This holiday was different and I know why. My wonderful 19 year old cousin definitely helped by entertaining them, teaching them games and songs that distracted them in long queues. I felt more relaxed than I usually was. Plus not cooking during the holiday helped me relax too. I don’t think I fought once with my husband either although unfortunately  one evening I did bark my cousin’s head off when we were tired, hungry and he was being politely indecisive about what to eat.

Other than that, I certainly do not regret the holiday one bit.

Making memories and spending time to understand my children is a luxury I take for granted. I know how frustrating everyday life can be but am grateful I took a breather this Easter to celebrate the important things in life, happy families, praying together, forgiving and seeing each other’s perspective together.

May 2022 will bring with it a poignant trip home for the first time without my dad, to try to pick up pieces and address any delayed grief if there is any. I hope it will be peaceful and bond building like this Easter break, but will approach it like my daughters did, brave and open minded come what May.

Things my kids say

Miss almost two: “You’re not funny daddy!” 

L says about her older sister, “姐姐 stepped on poo poo” when it was only some moss. 

Me: “ Did you do a poo poo L?”

Miss#2: “Maybe”

Me: Who farted?

Miss#2: JieJie

And upon grasping the concept of Potty training proceeds to tell me each time she’s been successful, “I’m so proud of you Mummy!”

Miss#2 wants her sister’s cup of water despite having been given her own. 

Daddy: that’s the same water.

Miss#2: I want that Same water.

Miss#2 also tries to imitate her sister by announcing the time in the morning to get me out of bed to make breakfast. She looks at the clock and looks at me declaring, “its 7,8,9,10 o clock Mummy”

She was sandwiched between me and her sister one night in a hug and Miss #2 didn’t like it one bit. “I not Ham, I am Baby!” Then when we repeated after her mockingly, she jokes, “I not Baby, I am ham. Eat me eat me!”enticing us to blow raspberries on her belly.

On a regular basis, “Where Daddy gone? What ya doing? Why? No Dahling. Don’t do that Dahling, remember?”

Miss FourY.O: “The teachers let us watch a documentary on jellyfish on TV today. Because they were too lazy to teach us.”

Also her when I greet her in the mornings trying to sneak a cuddle before her all-consuming sister wakes up: “ Don’t face me mummy. Turn ard and face L so that when she wakes up she can see your face and not cry.”

The older one says to the little one, “L can you do me a favour and put these books back”. I cut in and reminded her to say the magic word when she wants something done. “Oh, Abracadabra”

Walking past a cafe, she announces that place has no restrooms. I wondered how’d she know, to which she replies, there’s a sticker on the door that says Just Eat. And then demands to know if I am laughing at her or with her.

The two are chalk and cheese. Whilst one will wear her Melissa wellies as a fashion statement and would never dream of dirtying them in a muddy puddle, the other would not think twice about running into the largest muddiest Puddle with her sparkly gold shoes. She’d scream in mock tantrum when disallowed, “Life’s not fair!”

The older one loves reading and is mostly self taught, able to read books even from August 2019 with no pictures as long as she’s been told the story and now having started school she writes diligently and enjoys writing sentences by herself.

The younger one has developed a love for books too and I am well pleased. Something about this makes me feel they will be set for life because they will always be able to get information and never be bored if they can read and enjoy it.

I keep having to remind myself not to be too greedy. Two is just right and I may miss these days when they are both cute but at the same time, I will miss the days now in just a moment passed by. I already see their wills and I try to discipline them without breaking their individuality although that is hard given we were brought up to not be heard as children. I cannot seem to get the balance right. 

Yet, I am proud of them and remind myself that they are doing just right and that I will always be here to tirelessly guide them onto the right path.

Two cute to be

NB: I drafted this ages ago but never got around to publishing the draft.

We made it! She’s two and I’ve been back at work a year now. 

I thought she’d be terrible but surprisingly with us standing our ground, she’s starting to understand she cannot get her way and the tantrums subside into a tearful, “I’m sorry mummy” instead.

She knows more than I gave her credit for. She understands the words we speak in both English and sometimes Mandarin. Whilst not as creative at expressing herself, between her sister and I, we understand her quite well. She picks up on sound a lot better than her sister does and she can carry a tune better. Ah yes, she sings. Lots of singing and she shushes next too sometimes. She knows most of the classics, Horsey, Horsey, ABC, Wheels on the bus, Twinkle star, Baa Baa Sheep, speckled frogs, zoom zoom zoom, 5 little monkeys, old MacDonald, once I caught a fish alive. She can sit with the book of Nursery Rhymes and turn each page and sing a song in relation to the picture on the page. 

She is keen for us to read to her now as she begins to be curious about stories and what pictures mean. Whilst she doesn’t know her colours well, she can certainly name things well and proudly acclaims, ‘I made this’ or ‘I did it’

She plays Simon says really well, and enjoys drawing, adores Peppa Pig as well as play dough. She’s starting to like stickers and definitely can count to ten (plus backwards too I’ve been told). 

She loves jumping, swimming (which we don’t take her to enough) and dances by wiggling her bottom. With us she truly blossoms, but in public she observes for a very long time, too cautious to join in independently. She loves helping me in the kitchen, eggwashing, shelling peas, filling up pots with rice or pasta, spending time with me by her side or her by my side is a big must in her every waking (and sleeping) moment.

Yes, we still cosleep. She cannot let me go yet. Perhaps we don’t spend enough of our day together anymore and so it’s down to the nighttime snuggles. I forget to see the world through her eyes so much as I did with my firstborn.

But last week we taught her the art of trick and treating. Whilst she refused to don a costume, she got the hang of walking up the driveway with the other children and choosing a candy of choice from the bucket. We are still working on her saying thank you to strangers, but she gave one of them a high five after she scored a chocolate coin from the treasure chest at the haunted pirate ship.

After all that fun and candy counting, we settled as a family of four to watch the BATTERSEA Park fireworks display for Bonfire night. It was glorious to introduce my children to a firework display when their daddy and I have enjoyed so many with each other in the past 18 years. This was our first as a family of four. I am pleased that they loved it every bit as we adults do. Am thinking of making this our tradition now. 

At her two year old birthday she did a poo in her potty, and was frankly quite surprised it happened. She tries to copy her big sister but also gives as good as she gets. I am thankful that they play well together.

Dahling, I love you and I miss you the moment you aren’t in my arms. Something about you being my youngest and last makes me just want to keep you tiny for just a bit longer. Hope you don’t mind being my baby. 

First week of school

I have had a relatively emotionless week surprisingly given the fact that my firstborn has started school this week. Also coupled with the fact that my parents are in town, I really expected I’d be in a worse off state than I am now. Perhaps I am older now or sleep deprivation and post trek recovery has taken the physical strain on me and left no room for the emotions.

Surprisingly I got through her first week of school without the excitement or fears I thought I might. I do feel some things though. Immense pride for one. My little one has gained so much knowledge in Preschool that I know she won’t be overwhelmed at school as I was on my first day. In fact I did wonder if she’d be underwhelmed and bored even but so far she hasn’t shown any signs of that. The poor little girl reads so well by herself but has always got her head in a cloud of dreams. She has little self awareness like me, but every bit of confidence in what she knows she likes, always gravitating towards non-girly things and asking for trousers instead of skirts. We try to protect her and observe on her behalf as well as pick up clues from what she tells us on whether there are any missed social cues in her life. That said, the anxiety I feel isn’t as crazy as I thought I may have had.

Where I worry I have failed her is more to do with the choice we made to send her to state school. Whilst I do not want to raise an entitled child, I do feel that I could do better for her, and so part of me hasn’t accepted our status quo as the end of the game. I am still very much in the game and on the waiting lists of two other schools hoping very much to get in within a year (fingers crossed), as I do wish to get my little one into nursery in the same school as her sister and applications will begin in Feb.

I also feel like I have not researched her classes and lined them up as well as I should have. There’s a fine line inside me that is dividing the laid back Mum from Tiger mum territory. I feel like I need to make a stance and forge ahead instead of toeing the line and worrying about being judged. Inevitably every other mum seems to be letting their child learn at the very least swimming and a language, so I am not really pushing her in the wrong directions am I? I have spent way too much time instead trying to manage our finances I reckon. And in doing so, fallen behind in planning her extracurricular. Here’s the wish list: performing arts, science  and maths camp, swimming, mandarin, musical instrument, tennis. That’s all I have in mind. 

In reality, all I have got is performing arts lined up and a half hearted attempt at swimming classes enrolment. The big ‘projects’ I’ve got to tackle next are cycling without stabilisers and potty training the little one. Both seem like such big hills to climb next. Gosh... I really hope I can muster up the energy to take on both soon enough.

I am the epitome of bad mum in the area I live in. But then again, I have really thoroughly enjoyed the simple quiet pace with my little ones. Perhaps they have been so bored from not being stimulated by the range in activity that the older one has self taught herself to read and the little one has decided to self learn how to dress herself. I can’t help but feel so blessed to have them both in my life.

Saying goodbye to my parents with them in my ear about how good my husband really is and how much I’ve spoilt my children albeit them being in thorough agreement that they are very cute and bright. I again walk away from them in the airport too void of emotion to process the task before me. My Aunty suggested that life as a young mother is hard but I can’t complain really because my in laws have given us so much help in every way imaginable this past nine months that it didn’t matter what the shortcomings of my husband and children were, I’ve allowed myself to go soft.

It is now time to rev up and dial up the parenting energy to make things right. After all, I will have to maintain the beat, Andante or Allegro, it’s my choice truly.

Raising a child in London

Just know that this post has been two years in the writing. Londonkiwi Emma first suggested I write a post comparing motherhood here versus back home and I thought it was a great idea, but between figuring out the parenting thing and trying to build new friendships ( because making mother friends are a whole new social circle to invest time in), this all fell to the wayside.



It’s a new year though and whilst we’d always postponed decision making for 2019, we started talking recently about the question weighing on our minds; Are we going to move back home? We love our lives at the moment but London is a transient place and we have said goodbye to so many of our couple friends who have their kids here and then move home to be around family whilst raising their kids.



As our family is dispersed among Australia, Malaysia and Hong Kong, there isn’t a great pulling power for us to head home. If anything, I’d have to find my feet again and find out how to parent in Sydney all over. Figure out the schools, the good parks, find our favourite family restaurants, get weekly shopping done, getting used to new produce to suit my family’s tastebuds. It all seems a lot of effort and I’d give anything at the moment to just have a nice little updated Victorian terrace house in London to raise our children in.



So herewith is my list of London versus Sydney comparing how we’d raise kids in both.



1) NCT groups versus local council run mother groups.

I paid for our ante natal classes in London. It seems to be a thing all the new mums do to meet local mums here. The other locally run children centres and clinics don’t seem to have as much pull in my experience for meeting new mums. Perhaps because there isn’t a commitment for mothers to attend weekly since it’s free and so I haven’t really established good friendships through those. In Sydney I understand the local council runs mother groups and I have heard many sing praises of the friendships they’ve built from these groups that last beyond maternity leave and their children become fast friends. Half of our NCT group have moved away though since Greater London doesn't seem to be the place people tend to imagine themselves raising kids, too expensive, too polluted or not enough of a work life balance. Whilst this works for first time mums it generally doesn’t work for subsequent children though as toddlers will be bored at baby sessions or are sometimes generally not allowed. In this I’d say the alternative is to huddle with the other second time mums at toddler playgroups or classes and compare notes or commiserate together.



2) Walking versus driving everywhere.

I have become reliant on public transport in getting me everywhere with my children. Buses and trains take me directly to some free museums, city farms and parks that are extremely engaging for my little ones. In Sydney, I’d probably be looking to local libraries, parks and the beach for free kid friendly hangouts but most places are via driving access and I don’t know if I could get used to screaming babies in tow when I am battling traffic or finding a parking space.



3) Jumping in puddles versus heading to the beach.

Got Peppa Pig to thank for this one but in Autumn/ Winter British kids just live in Wellies. I must say it is a great way to encourage them to walk more as I almost never need a pram for our school run if I can assure her there’s a host of muddy puddles for her to look out for along our way home. If we were in Sydney however, our place was only fifteen minutes away from some of the best beaches in the world so I’d probably be slathering sunscreen on my toddler instead of slipping on wellie liners.









4) Compliance parenting versus Australian parenting styles.

British children are raised to be polite and obedient in a very traditional way. Children are just not allowed to tantrum in public. I remember a British old lady telling me off when I was letting my baby practice walking along the pavement one evening. She said to me this was going to take us all night to get home innit? With the Brits I can never quite tell if they are being passive aggressive or just wry. I usually respond in nervous giggles if in doubt of their intention. I find Australians conform to more modern if American styles of parenting, such as Breast is best, Baby led weaning and Gentle sleep training methods as opposed to formula feeding, purées and Crying it out. It may just be in my circle of experience but I did find I was on my own in London when I employed Australian preferred methods to my child rearing.



5) No poisonous spiders or lizards to worry about.

Seriously everything in Australia can kill you. Even the birds (according to this article). At most we get Spiders in the flat about a month of the year in UK. Otherwise you hardly ever see them. I just remember and still see on Facebook living in Sydney the terrors of encountering a Huntsman in your closet or a snake in your backyard. I am not entirely prepared to deal with that again especially with inquisitive children in tow.



6) Exposure to all sorts of first generation migrant cultures and a stronger tendency towards bilingualism

In London, as it is such a melting pot of immigrants, I find a lot of the children grow up learning at least two languages. Even the nursery my daughter attends teach French and Spanish as part of their curriculum. This is not something I experienced in Sydney, with most of my husband's contemporaries learning only English although perhaps there may be a shift towards teaching more Mandarin these days given the influx of Chinese migrants that are having children in Sydney and truthfully, for my cultural background, I would prefer that. Also my husband tells me that he is able to feel Australian here in London where else back home he was always made to feel Asian when someone was getting to know him. Subtle difference perhaps but I suppose he’d much prefer the former.



7) British tastebuds versus Australian tastebuds

Eating out in London with kids is boring. Their menus always seem to consist of battered fish or chicken goujons, sausages and some sort of pasta. Frankly, I'd prefer the restaurants to say yes they can do a kids sized version of some of the adult dishes so that our kids can experience a more diverse range of foods without waste. I see they do this in Australian cafes back home and I see children who love their food, eating a wide range of seafoods and cuisines. My own daughter won't even touch avocado, which is devastating for me.



8) The convenience of Amazon Prime. And just generally having access to all global brands available with delivery services.
I have gotten very used to the convenience of living in London with Amazon prime for everything. It sure makes it easier than heading out to the shops with two kids in British weather. This may not be as bad anymore in Australia with online shopping fast becoming a normality too in Sydney but still I thought it was worth a mention.




9) Everybody looks for outdoor space when looking for nurseries in London. Truth be told I don’t think we’d be different in Australia but I suppose good outdoor spaces are harder to find in London. And if you were wondering what to look for when visiting a nursery, I found this article to be helpful in your decision making. My daughter’s current nursery backs out onto the train tracks so I worry about noise pollution for her, but she hardly ever spends time outdoors in nursery so I have made peace with that in exchange for a convenient location for my commute to work around the school run.



10) Snow versus 47 celcius days
London days are cold. We have had many snow days this winter. Far more than I’d ever remember in my few years here. At the same time my Aussie friends’ kids are living in pools because it’s 47°c days down under. It is a huge contrast but given I have one daughter who simply melts in heat and another that finds the cold insufferable, My hands are tied for this one. I will say this though, the nicer weather in Oz does make it easier to organise gatherings at parks and beaches for kids. Here in London we struggle to find non-grotty indoor spaces to take our children to that won’t cost a fortune to play.

So there you have it. London has four clear wins, Sydney has three, and three points where it’s just as good on both fronts.

We might just stay that little longer then to make this work out for us.



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My first days as a SAHM to two under three

Mum left last night. It was a new day and thank goodness the toddler had slept through the night as it was the first time ever someone wasn’t there to stop her from coming into our room.

At half past seven she comes in with a sheepish grin and I pass the baby to my husband to prepare to cuddle her. Something wasn’t right. She smelled of poo! She hadn’t had an accident for over a month! But I guess whilst she’s in deep sleep it doesn’t count. Unfortunately she’s stuck her fingers in the diaper since the accident too. On that first morning I was sent off on a wild goose chase after her trail of things she’s touched, after I had stuck her in the shower to hose her down.

Sheets changed on both her bed and ours, I settled down to read with and to feed my baby, and I still find poo on her. On her ear where she’d scratched it. I also find some later on in the day. To top it all off, sometime that morning, when the baby was crying I saw to my horror the toddler stuck her index finger into her mouth to pacify her! I hope I had gotten out all the traces of faeces from that finger.

Crappy morning aside, I tried unsuccessfully to make pizza that day as Fridays were usually pizza night. First I forgot the yeast in the dough so it was added as an after thought. Then I forgot to get the salami and pepperoni so unless I was making margheritas for dinner, it just wouldn’t cut it. We ended up with a Tuscan sausage soup for dinner.

The toddler wouldn’t nap, which meant that I couldn’t get too much rest myself. But she did surprise me with loads of independent play ( amazing what games some silicone cupcake mounds can inspire in a toddler’s mind) so that I managed to get a few Black Friday deals and make our meals. For our trip out for the day, I tried to do our weekly shop with the toddler and bub in tow. I thought it may be challenging but Ms 2 yr 8 mths proved to be the best little helper. She managed to pull the trolley around the shop, piling it with groceries, then she unloaded it onto the conveyor belt and subsequently loaded them into the pram’s shopping basket after they’d been scanned through and paid for. Amazing effort!

Just as I am struggling through the day with sleep deprivation and the onset of a cold, the toddler brings me a cup of pretend tea which really warms the cockles of my heart.






That evening I looked forward to crawling into bed at nine pm when the toddler’s gone to bed. Mr Hea was tasked with the bedtime feed for the baby. What could possibly go wrong?

He doesn’t screw the bottle on properly and my expressed milk all comes spilling out as soon as he’s put it in. He then pulls out formulae and proceeds to feed her on our bed whilst catching up with me on the day. Before I know it, our baby is throwing up on the new sheets because she has taken the formula too quickly and it is too heavy for her. Mr HEA hasn’t bothered to use the hand towel I had suggested he use as a bib so I am dragged out of bed to change the baby and the sheets again. As the husband tries to hurry me back to bed, grabbing the bub, he bobs her head on the cupboard and she doesn’t like it. Just in case this doesn’t round up the brilliant day, the onesie I’ve grabbed off the pile for my baby announces,”My Mummy thinks she’s in charge. That's cute.”

I think I’ve been owned.

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39 weeks in 3 weeks out

She is everything my firstborn wasn’t. She had a far less traumatic introduction to this world and mentally we were so much more prepared and organised to welcome her than we were with our first. Funny how your brain retains muscle memory on how to care for a newborn despite this one being far more wriggly than our first. Things like breastfeeding and how to change their diaper just all come back to you as you wizz through it with the efficiency and competence that only a second time parent can have.

We look at the newborn world that surrounds us now and it’s fun for us to play ‘spot the first time parents’ because they are so scared and bewildered. Much like we were then. She doesn’t get picked up until she makes urgent cries, she is coddled much less, and only changed if she doesn’t pass the smell test. Yet she is content. Mummy doesn’t even keep track of her feeding and sleeping patterns like she did rigidly with S. I had to ask my mother when was the last time I bathed/ top and tailed L. Newborns just seem so much cleaner than toddlers who need to be washed so many times a day and bathed daily because they are just big germ bags.

Yes compared to her sister she is the sweet one now because there is no sass, only coos. She doesn’t try to manipulate us for treats or to delay bed time. We don’t have to treat her like a ticking tantrum mine field and she certainly seems assertive enough when poked at or roughly manhandled by her older sibling. With our firstborn we worried that we would kill her. With the second, we worry the toddler will.

What an incredible journey! Tiring and painful at the time but so hazy now as comfortably we slip into being a family of four.

From the three hours of active labour where I had to mentally psych myself into pushing her out on no pain relief all the while praying for the strength to see it all through, to the late night uterine cramps where I swore I was better off being in labour, through to the night I cried big tears because my milk came in and I was going beserk with the hormones. I thought of throwing in the towel. The magnitude of the toil ahead of us seemed all too much to bear. As I cuddle my slowly unfurling bundle of joy today those events fade away into distant memory.

Slight confession: the first two weeks, I missed my big girl. I had to watch her struggle to be independent of me. It hurt when she got used to having Daddy do things for her that used to be my domain. I missed being her ‘best friend’ as she called us. I can see that she missed me too as she asked me daily worriedly if I was feeling better. I missed my firstborn so much I didn’t really bond with my second. My toddler had a personality and I could communicate with her but the baby was just a non-verbal blob. I sat in silence with her in the still of the night although naggingly my memory tells me I used to sing lullabys and tell S my hopes and dreams for her during the newborn nights.

The maternal instinct towards L came very very late and I wondered about that adage that supposes your heart grows to accommodate the love you have for both. I watched like an outsider as my husband eagerly lavished affection on the baby and noted without passion how lovingly he sang and played with her during her brief waking moments in the day. I recoiled every time he would say ‘I think she needs a feed’. Perhaps it was the uterine cramps or the fact that I was tired and so immobilised by becoming a newborn’s mother again. I was sure relieved to find my own interest in my second child develop in the third week. Perhaps it made me feel more human.

We plod on. Soon my mother will excuse herself from our lives as she returns to her own. I have enjoyed the extra hands she's lent us the past so many weeks. I remember the helplessness I felt when she left the last time she was here to help with my firstborn. I am sure to feel it again especially when witching hour descends upon us and my toddler dissolves into a hot boiling mess at the same time. Still other people manage and the long evenings get drowned somehow in pools of hazy memories. Those are the ones who go back to wishing for another newborn to cuddle and to keep by their side little for just that while longer. I hope not for me. I must settle into nuzzling L more each long night and enjoying the tears that they will let me soothe and wipe away now, before they grow up and tell me in their big girl bravery," I want to do this myself."


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Toddler titter

More anecdotes from my 2.5 year old that really confounds/ cracks me up.

Her Godfather has no kids but is a great cook, and hosts great barbecues. One time after having attended one of his house parties she said to me she doesn’t like Godpa’s house. He has no toys. Only food and drink. That’s probably right.

Once during our potty training weekend mornings she wet our bed because she’d climbed in in the morning without a nappy. I did get rather cross with her as she knew she wasn’t allowed. As I was trying to explain the consequences to her,” where’s Mummy going to sleep now?” To which she promptly replied,”me!” And Daddy? She shrugs her shoulders and makes a nonchalant face at that.

Sometimes I get lazy with Mummy duties. Last night we were in the shower together and she suddenly announces she needs to use the potty. Scanning the bathroom the potty was outside, and we were both dripping wet so I told her she can just pee in the shower. She shakes her head and says that would make Mummy very unhappy. Good girl errr she passed the test. I held her on the toilet seat after that.

One night I was co sleeping with her and she kept kicking me for play so I told her off and she retorted: Why is it ok for Mei Mei (little sister) to kick you then from inside?

Towards the end of my finishing up at work she’d really been struggling with going to bed and waking up in the mornings. Then in her cranky state she’d argue that she really should be working and not to nursery. So I said to her one morning. Ok what skills do you have to find work with? “ Jumping” Upon my suggestion that she could work at a circus she responds with, “ But I wouldn’t want to runaway.”

On another occasion when we had another discussion about why she needs to go to nursery she demanded that she needs to go to Midtown High instead. That’s where Peter Parker aka Spider-Man goes to school.

My toddler has lately taken to demanding my husband reads her the ‘101 whiskeys to drink before you die’ guide to her. I was telling her I had a sore shoulder one time and she said,” Don’t worry mummy, I am sure it isn’t anything. It’s probably just a Monkey Shoulder.” ( Monkey Shoulder is an actual Whiskey name but also the name of the condition developed by men who used to malt barley by hand).

Following on the theme of anything with words can be read, she broke into my hospital bag yesterday and took an interest to the pamphlet on Perineum tears and massages and wanted me to read it to her. Halfway through the leaflet having mumbled through all the lady parts names that I didn’t want her to take an interest in repeating she asks,” Mummy what’s a...” and I hold my breath wondering which new word she has picked up, “ ...midwife?” Phew.

We told her it wasn’t convention to say Bless you when someone coughed, rather we pat them on the back. One morning as I was having breakfast with her she suddenly got gone from her chair and started walking around the flat looking around. I asked her what was the matter and she said,” Daddy’s coughing”. My husband woke up to her staring at him patiently waiting for him to turn around so that she could pat him on his back for a cough that happened maybe 10 minutes ago by that point.

She found the family circle assorted biscuits box in our recycling bin and decided to study the pictures. After some deep consideration she announces,” I have an idea. I would like to have a chocolate biscuit please.”

My mum was singing the Mandarin version of Old MacDonald had a farm. She then asked Miss 2.5 if she knows this one. Miss 2.5 doesn’t and replies. “I only know Old MacDonald. It’s not the same. He is more famous.”

She’s really bad at Math. We would offer her a limited amount of biscuits or tell her the time limit left before we need to move on and she’d always try to negotiate with us. However without fail, every time she will ask for “one biscuit or one more minute” even if we’ve offered her more. We just go with the flow.

Daddy is tickling her against her wishes. She says,” you’re so naughty!” Daddy says,” what’s that?” “Naughty means not listening.”




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Diary of a second time mother on Mat Leave: Week 1

I will only know in time, when the story of my second little girl unveils itself. But I suspect I am nesting.

Having had an unplanned induction for my firstborn this concept of waiting around for labour to start whilst on maternity leave is luxurious yet foreign to me. I can potter about for a bit I suppose and try to rest as much as I can before my life turns upside down with the pending arrival. But I really don’t know for sure how much pottering about I can take. And something tells me that this little girl will take her own sweet time just because we are so much more prepared this time.

In pregnancy I have already slowly unpacked and organised the clothes for our little one trying to figure out what gaps we may have as I have loaned a lot of clothes in the last two years and sadly found that not all have made their way back to me. Also my firstborn was born in Spring but this new babe is to be a Winter babe so I need layers in a different size.

So here’s what my pottering about entailed.

Day 1:
-Laundered and Miltoned and set up the Bugaboo pram, car seat and carry cot again.
-Cleaned the oven and microwave.
-Reorganised the pantry and made room for baby bottles in our already cluttered kitchen.
-Took out the baby toys and dummies.
-Went for a lovely long lunch with the hubs to celebrate our six year anniversary.
-Ordered a car seat liner and piddle pad to protect the seat I just washed as I am still trying to potty train my toddler.
-Repacked my hospital bag.
-Made chicken stock and batch cooked fried rice for toddler for when she isn’t in nursery.

Day 2:
-Laundered and packed away the Babyzen stroller.
-Unpacked and set up the bassinet and changing station as well as took stock of the products I still have from my previous babe-barrier ointments, almond oil, nipple cream, cotton wool, cotton tips, wipes, nappies.
-Took my laptop in to get it fixed after two years.
-Also took the toddler to buy shoes for next season and next year when she starts preschool.
-Washed the Dyson vacuum out.
-Got my eyebrows threaded.
-Caught up on all ITVs Victoria season 2 episodes
-To reward my hard day’s work? The toddler woke up at 8.15am, then proceeded to skip her afternoon nap at nursery so she slept 11 and a half hours straight tonight hurrah!

Day 3:
-Laundered the baby blankets, toys and car seat liner.
-Applied a 10 minute exfoliating facial. It’s the Ordinary AHA 30% + BHA 2% Peeling Solution one.
-Wrote my birth plan.
-Installed the family toilet seat and decluttered the toilet of other potty training aids( insert and stools) that were bulky.
-Went to the shops to try to buy a buggy board. Big waste of time though as my voucher wouldn’t work so I didn’t end up placing the order.
-Had a late long lunch instead and enjoyed talking to the other mothers in the cafe about our husbands and raising children in a foreign country.
-Got a haircut.

Day 4:
-Toddler not in nursery today so planned to really fix her potty training issues. Read the book Oh -Crap Potty training and realised the toddler’s issues stemmed from us being too confusing not being consistent with the diaper situation as we still slapped on a diaper if we went out or when she’s meant to take a nap...which kind of takes a few hours sometimes with her if we are at home cause she’ll flat out refuse her nap and carry on playing. The book recommends blocking out the whole day with no distractions or social activity and just watching your child. It was blissful luxury just interacting with my little one like that. My favourite bit was reading an Angels & Urchins magazine with her because she loved all the ads and pictures of the kid activities. Don’t know if we succeeded in achieving much potty training though as she was so well behaved the whole day, we didn’t have one accident and she always stopped her activity to tell me she needed the potty. Maybe all the other times she’d been ( as the book says) giving me the inner F* you as an attention seeking mechanism. Sigh.
-Had dinner cooked for us as my toddler’s godmother offered to come over to make us the Crab Linguine recipe from her Gousto box order. It was delicious! And because the toddler missed her nap she was out like a light by 7pm which meant we had a lovely adult dinner with our friend with wine and dessert and didn’t once have to entertain an attention seeking toddler. Said toddler also slept all through the night till 6am so I am stoked.

Day 5:
-My husband worked from home so that I didn’t have to deal with taking a toddler with me on public transport at peak hour as my midwife had booked me onto a nine am slot with the obstetrician. Thank goodness he did as by some Friday the thirteenth luck, the hospital needed some of the obstetricians at the labour ward which meant consultation patients were kept waiting for over an hour delay. I then had to wait to see a midwife and the whole thing took over three hours in the end. We had a good lunch and then came home to continue potty training the little one. She ended up taking a nap at five pm which freaked me out a little but all’s well that ends well.

Weekend:
-We bought the buggy board (woohoo!) and discovered the Colliers woods’ Burger King has a children’s play pen which obviously the toddler insisted on going on. It melted my heart when upon seeing she couldn’t get up the slide by herself, the other kids who are only very slightly older than her hoisted her up. She had a lovely day of course and we rounded it up by taking a whirl on her new buggy board to the playground in the afternoon.
-On Sunday after an ingenious buggy stroll where the toddler fell asleep for two hours, I managed to order her big sister present online and made siew mai and roast duck noodles as we hosted family in the afternoon. After that lovey dinner and a bubble bath together their 3 year old girl refused to go home deciding that she wanted to sleepover. So there we were at the end of my first week off, we suddenly had two little girls in an impromptu sleepover at our flat and I have this warm fuzzy feeling as I tucked them in and watched the two girls asleep that perhaps it isn’t quite that daunting being mother to two. Perhaps I can do this after all.







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What to pack

We are getting there now. Into the last month of pregnancy and being told to pack our bags. I think back to what I really needed then and made up the list below. What is left for later on is to include the present to my toddler from my baby, but I assume Mr HEA can help with that later on. So here goes:

What to pack in your hospital bag

· Sleep suits, hats, outfits, swaddles and about 10 infant nappies for baby

· Maternity sanitary pads (crazy big thick ones as the bleeding those first few days is insane).

· Toiletries

· Blanket for baby

· You can wear a maternity gown from the hospital or you can pack some comfy clothes, think breastfeeding friendly but also loose fitting particularly when you'd have scars or tubes hanging out of you post birth if you've had an epidural.

· Mobile phone and a charger

· Old/ disposable knickers but I have had to knick a few from the hospital as everything is just a little sore in the beginning still.

· Arnica for bruising which I had from the epidural and drip. Not needed for a natural birth however.

· Your birth plan and maternity medical notes

· Breast massage oils to kickstart the milk production, which I found I didn't need the second time around.

· Snacks for energy throughout labour



What to pack in your baby bag ( < 6 months)<6 br="" months="">
· 4 nappies, Nappy bags, wipes, barrier cream and antibacterial hand sanitiser all in an easy to pull out bag to take to the changing room with you

· Portable changing mat/ disposable changing liners for when you are in a public place and don't trust the surface you are putting your bub on.

· A change of clothes and a spare cardigan to make sure baby doesn’t get cold and make sure you update these change of clothes whenever you move baby up the next size.

· A muslin or two.

· Pram toys

· Formula, bottles, water thermos if you aren't breastfeeding

· Baby carrier in case they won't stay in pram

· Pacifier



What to pack in your baby bag ( > 6 months)

· 4 nappies, Nappy bags, wipes (more as you'll always need to wipe down dirty little hands that touch everything) ,barrier cream and antibacterial hand sanitiser all in an easy to pull out bag to take to the changing room with you

· portable changing mat/ disposable changing liners for when you are in a public place and don't trust the surface you are putting your bub on.

· A change of clothes

· A muslin

· Toys or books

· Formula, bottles, water thermos or food for their weaning meals (i.e. puree pouches, teething rusks, other forms of baby friendly snacks)

· Baby carrier in case they won't stay in pram

· Pacifier



What to pack in your toddler bag

· If not potty trained yet then: 4 nappies, Nappy bags, wipes (more as you'll always need to wipe down dirty little hands that touch everything) and antibacterial hand sanitiser all in an easy to pull out bag to take to the changing room with you

· A change of clothes

· Toys or books or small activities to distract them with. It is best to rotate these a lot as they lose interest very quickly.

· SNACKSSS!!!! Fruit, biscuits, raisins, yoghurt. Anything goes in this department but I always pack at least three portions these days.

· Ready formula or long life milk poppers/ cartons

· Bib

. Sippy cup and water




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Judging working mums

I have decided I want to weigh in on this topic because I am genuinely surprised there are views out there that reflects what Susan Patton aka "Princeton Mom" has to say:

"I believe the bigger issue is parents abdicating their responsibility to care for their own children. If Dad is the breadwinner, Mom needs to care for the babies. It is illogical to leave the care of one's children to anyone who doesn't love the child the way a parent does.
Most families with nannies don't really 'need' them. They have them because Mom doesn't want to be the childcare provider - she'd rather go to her fancy office after a manicure, facial and SoulCycle. I think the profound loss for children is when the woman who gave birth to them chooses to be Busy Miss Important instead of Mom."

Notwithstanding that this quote is riddled and laced with judgement, I feel also it is unfair to pile on the mum guilt on your fellow mums when society already struggles to battle inherent mysogynist prejudice and practices.

I am not sure yet how to juggle my finances when I have two non-school aged toddlers that I have to put in full time nursery when I go back to work. Firstly I will clarify that there will be no manicures, facials or gym sessions for me. There will be however motivation and fulfilment from knowing that I am contributing to taxes and my company, that my work is valued and I can still care for my children in my best form in this capacity. Because full time child care is energy draining and because I was raised to not rely on handouts but to work hard to earn my keep. Somewhere along the journey of motherhood, I realised I cannot put on a big smile and make the genuine effort to teach-play my children when I spend 24 hours with them.

I grew up in an environment where it took a village to raise a child. Of course it helped that my parents had seven to eight siblings on each side all of whom married and had kids. That itself made for an instant village. And whilst we haven't employed the services of a nanny we certainly are grateful for all the efforts of the nursery's educators that tend to our child.

She is fed and cleaned and put to nap. Routine things that believe it or not are harder for me to achieve as her biological mother. It honestly takes less effort for anyone else to do that. That extra energy that the adult and child conserves from those battles are then better directed into play learning activities of which my child benefits from having a multicultural and multidimensional environment. I only found out yesterday that my daughter speaks and understands her Spanish educator well. Certainly this exposure to a third language would not be possible had we kept her at home. Not only that, her nursery has begun to hire more male staff other than the cook and I embrace this with open arms because I want her to grow up accepting that men are just as well equipped to care for and teach young children, it isn't solely 'a woman's role'.

My time is then better spent googling printables on my lunch break and sensory activities or conjuring up ideas for what to transform her play corner into next. We just changed her grocery shop corner into a garage over the weekend. We have enjoyed pretending to let her sell us groceries and gauging what reasonable pricing for her felt foods should be. Now it's time to move on to maybe teaching her some traffic rules and the different range of automobiles. Can I do this if I was a SAHM? Maybe. But who knows? I may not want to decorate gingerbreadmen with her or make Hungry caterpillar crafts if I was dead tired from the constant barrage of cleaning, feeding and routine enforcement. There are mothers/ fathers who can do that. I know I am not them and I respect them deeply.

This is after all my way of being my best to my children and husband. You must find yours and once you find it, know that your children will think you are most wonderful and will ALWAYS prefer you way over anyone else that cares for them in whatever capacity.










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Potty training success finally

I went with the advice to only do it when she was ready which happened on the 29 January when she was only 22 months old. She said she wanted to use the toilet and I very excitedly plopped her on it.

Then we went to Lisbon the month after and she successfully told me every single time she wanted to use the toilet for a number two and I thought,"Yes! We are getting somewhere!"

All this while she never really got the fact that wees should also be performed on the toilet. This came after many accidents and debates between us over whether she was ready or not.

Three weeks ago we took this to the nursery. It is now eight months since we began and our haphazard approach was obviously leading to half hearted results. We left it with the professionals to try. At first we received reports of,"your daughter, she is stubborn. Clever but passive aggressive." Apparently if she didn't want to go to the toilet and they tried to coax her she would lay on the floor and play dead so they had no choice short of dragging her. Then two minutes later she'd have an 'accident'. We talked about a plan and decided to just go hard on her and slap on big girl pants. No nappies from now on at nursery we said. First week started off with five accidents and ended with three. Our second week we went from three to wait for it....completely dry on the Friday! I never thought we'd get there but we did. 29th Jan to 11th August for her to 'get it'. How do people train in three days I don't understand. Maybe we have a slow learner, plus we have a lazy parenting style.

Nevertheless! Success! Thank you to all the nursery staff who gave her endless encouragement and even built circle time activities around discussing potty training. Thank you for letting them role play potty training with their dollies. Thank you for all the potty training books. My daughter now thinks she is Princess Polly having finished her training and used up the last star in the sticker book.

Well. Let's see how we take it from here eh?







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Why my husband will make a happier mother than me

I have been thinking about this issue for a long while. It all began two years ago when I was off for a year on maternity leave and stressed to the max over the health and wellbeing of my little one therefore running myself to the ground not sleeping whilst keeping wholesome home cooked meals on the table regularly, a spotless house and conquering the laundry. All this while I made sure I was doing enough to stimulate my child's development with sensory, swimming and music classes and play dates. Just all standard mother stuff really. I don't see any other mum's that don't do the same whilst keeping themselves and their family together.

But from my husband's perspective (and this led to many fights in those sleep deprived months) he would do things much differently and that it was my choice to do things 'the hard way' and therefore I can only blame myself if I was stressed and unfulfilled at the end of the year. Mind you, he was the one that got our daughter to start crawling and take her first steps so I don't think it is that he doesn't care about our child's development at all. Rather he weighs the marginal benefit against the physical toll it takes to complete similar tasks that I perform and deem them missable. He would rather prioritise his wellbeing and his happiness after knowing that our child’s important needs are met. I elaborate further.

On sleep:
I would use the time my baby sleeps to try to clean the house and prep meals so that we can still have our regular pre-baby mealtimes and nice clean flat. I would also not let our child cry it out so would always go to her side when she wailed but if we agreed it was his turn, he would turn on his side and let her cry till I got up to tend to her instead. During afternoon naps, he would take a nap too whilst she slept. I think I’d like to try that with my next child. If he came home to a dirty flat and I requested takeout for dinner because I took a nap instead that day, I wonder what he would think, but actually, maybe he doesn’t think anything. Nobody should as long as our family’s wellbeing is put first.

On homecooked meals:
The other day we were at a one year old’s birthday party at the family home where they had two kids under the age of four and everything at the party was home cooked and handmade. The level of effort was unbelievable. I surmised that they achieved that because the husband is able to cook delicious party presentable food. I came home late from work two days later and my husband requested I picked up pizza on the way home because he didn’t even want to eat the leftovers I had planned to make up for our dinner that night. I wanted to fume over it and be upset over the unnecessary expenditure when I could still pull together a quick substantial home cooked meal, and really I thought if Mr.HEA could cook, he could very easily stir fry and reheat the rice and leftovers and dinner would be ready as I stepped through the door as he was already at home. This however, would not be the man I chose to be my husband and my life would probably have to pay with him having another weakness if the lack of cooking skills and his preference for fast food wasn’t his.

On a clean house:
When we moved into our flat and it was brand new two years ago I endeavoured to keep it all as brand new and shiny as I could. I wiped down all the surfaces thinking how sick my child could get if she ate something off the floor that she found. The bathroom was void of mould and scum and I wiped down every night. I cleaned the oven regularly. I mopped the floor weekly. Mr.HEA will just stick to his standard chores, make sure our garbage isn’t smelly and toys aren’t posing threats to our safety around the clearways of our home, he is happy to take a seat and relax himself in the evenings and weekends. As soon as I got pregnant and became increasingly tired as well as more averse to bleach and oven cleaning chemicals, I found myself relaxing the standards a bit. I think the last time I mopped was a month ago. I don’t even iron Mr.HEA’s shirts anymore, I relinquished that role half a year ago. I use the oven every week but I only clean it when I feel like it now. The bathroom has scum, but no mould yet, I clean it once a week now. Mr HEA helps me fold laundry and I don’t refold it so that it sits neatly in our wardrobes. I just shove it in when I put it away and close the doors shut hoping that they don’t fall out the next time I open the doors again. And actually, with the amount of time I spend now playing with my daughter and catching up on sleep or just resting instead of whirling around the flat cleaning, our family has not fallen ill for a very long time despite the temperamental weather.

So if we as a family lived according to his rules and standards instead of mine, we’d not be falling apart or falling sick. We wouldn’t be any less perfect and we wouldn’t be unhappy if I didn’t do any of the above in the ‘right’ way. I think actually we’d be the happiest we’d ever been. Happy Mummy, Happy family. So in the pursuit of happiness, I shall relax and try to be more like my husband in the next year.

Reading with your little ones

Mr.HEA and I loved reading growing up. We don't read books for pleasure very much anymore these days admittedly. I probably average about 2-5 books a year these days and the husband opts for audio books instead. Our reading material mostly consists of journals, blogs and the e-newspapers. So it was by utter fluke that we ended up with our little one loving books as much as she does.

I adore this hobby of hers. Starting very early on with her just saying random sounds and words of the picture books to now fully narrating the pictures or repeating the stories which she has memorised word for word. She spends at least an hour a day reading and is always pestering us to read a book to her at all times of the day. On the potty, at meal times, bed time (she sleeps with a book instead of a teddy), whilst on the pram her hunger for stories knows no bounds.

I remember my horror when I first picked up a baby book to 'read' to her when she was four months old. There were no words! I had to google what to do in that instance and learnt quickly that I had to narrate the pictures using as many descriptive words or stories or sounds to keep things interesting for her.

We then graduated to toddler books when she was 1- 1.5 years old with very simple stories to help build her attention span.

Then around the time she turned two I bought her a set of early readers books earlier this year and discovered that even though the books are wordier, she really enjoys learning new words as well as listening out for the vocabulary she already knew. We emphasised the words she understood. Paraphrased into her level of understanding sometimes and would even sing her songs if it related to the story or event we were narrating. This seems to really help captivate her and now, a few months down the track she is devouring story books like Winnie the Pooh and Grimm brothers' fairy tales. I think she likes looking at the pictures more. She is always studying the pictures and describing them when she 'reads' by herself. Over the weekend I got really amused when she pointed at a 'multicultural foods' book she has and said, "Here's the Baba Ghanoush on a plate,"

So yes I swell with pride when every educator's feedback to me has been how amazing her attention span is that she can sit quietly and read. Or how much they find she loves books. Now I know she isn't the best at finger dexterity or balance. She isn't the fastest at running or greatest at climbing either. And my cousins in Asia tell me that their three year olds are reading and writing full sentences in school and six year olds are reading full novels which I simply cannot see my LO doing just quite yet. I am still working on getting her to draw with purpose which she is getting better at, but I am terrified at the prospect of teaching her how to write because she appears to be left handed and neither Mr.HEA and I are.

My only way around this is to let that worry resolve itself when the time comes. I will enjoy our present as it is and the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from my LO saying to me after I finish reading yet another Grimm brother's fairy tale to her, " I like this one mummy". It's her way of showing me that after three attempts of reading the same story to her, she finally understood it.










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Growing up too fast.

Whilst listening to Disney songs, "this is the bear song!" I say excitedly having recognised the tune. "Bare necessities mummy." She corrects me.

Somewhere on instagram I read that these years are the longest shortest time and I totally agree. Amidst dealing with teething fevers and her obsession with flicking my earlobes for comfort inducing sleepless nights, twenty minute potty training sessions spent in the toilet always happening mid dinner time and the constant whining for chocolate treats as well as thwarting her cheeky sass I can't help admiring the little person we have brought into the world. Not even six months ago she only begun saying two to three words together and now she is using sentences, plurals, pronouns as well as contradicting us with opposites. The most fulfilling thing is to see her purposefully trying to use more structured mandarin sentences with me as I have always worried about whether she'd be able to pick the language up if she was only introduced to it via myself.

In the throes of growing a human being inside me and raising one outside, I find myself slightly apprehensive of our future. I admit that I was hesitant finding out I will have another girl. It is a blessing I thought I didn't deserve as people tell me how close the sisters will be and how caring girls are to their parents compared to boys. But at the same time I feared the raging emotions and hormones, I worry about the predators of our sick world and most of all I worry about whether I'd be able to be the best example of a woman to them for them to aspire to. I know now I have to be stronger, better and more focused with my life as my girls will need me to be. The perfectionist in me needs to be balanced with being able to have fun. The rules I set need to be reasonable and considered, adaptable to our modern world whilst keeping to religious and traditional values. I just want my girls to be God-fearing, decent human beings with a sense of responsibility and caring individuals but never losing sight of the goodness that can be found in this world and enjoying it to their fullest, is that at all possible?

I shall make it my mission.

I find myself growing up too fast too. I got my first decent bonus this year in my whole life and other than buying some summer fitting maternity wear that I so desperately need and a pair of Aldo black ballerina flats, I sensibly decided to stow the rest away for a rainy day. I tried to find a bag to splurge it on but even the thought of replacing my fraying Longchamp bag was a little indulgent in my eyes. I didn't bother shopping for more frocks or toys for the new Bub, instead I find myself making plans for our forever home. But I don’t know what this all means yet. We can’t decide what is the best course of plan and nobody that really matters to us seem to mind whichever decision we make, to stay or to go/ to keep or to sell. So the main thing to remind myself to prioritise is our little family unit’s wellbeing and happiness. Not to try to overachieve or aspire for a home that is too hard to maintain nor to please anyone else but just us.

The horrid thing about living in the social media enabled sharing society we are today is the incessant need to be pinterest/ Instagram worthy. I had a Matcha sundae for lunch today. It was pretty and totally gonna garner likes if I had taken a picture and posted it on my Instagram. But I wanted to dig in as soon as I received it. No time to stop and take a picture. So I have no ‘evidence’ that it had happened. But my belly is happy and my thirst in this summer heat quenched. So the grown up me enjoyed the moment and acknowledges it happened. Much like the home that I aspire to build. Lovely refuge for my girls and man and a hospitable place always open to guests, with food in the pantry. That’s all it needs to be.

How to travel with a Toddler in Europe

As long as you don't get bored easily, and are not looking for excitement, travelling in Europe with an infant/ toddler is entirely possible without necessarily going to an all-inclusive resort.

The golden rule is keep the itinerary simple with as few accommodation changes as possible and plan just one big ticket activity to achieve each day.

The other travel mantra I stand by? Travel light and be prepared to buy foreign products for your baby. That's it. Armed with these travel principles, we've travelled with my 2 year old now to Burgundy, Rome, Ireland, Sardinia and Lisbon. We've also done multiple road trips around U.K., Hong Kong, Malaysia (twice) and Australia but as those trips were not overseas/ family visits we've never encountered the same challenges as travelling in Europe other than the multiple long haul flights.

I know I am not an expert on this and we generally have an easy kid who loves the experience of exploring something different or new with us. So if you are interested, I'll elaborate further.

Prepping Your Kids and helping them enjoy the trip

Plan and research ahead of the trip. The internet with its plethora of blogs and forums are full of helpful hints on what to expect. I also like asking our new friends who were locals of the places we'll be visiting on their recommendations and advice.

Then I formulate a little game plan that could involve:
- Introducing new books or little toys that relate to where you are visiting.
- I've started my little one on learning the flags of the different places we visit and she goes berserk whenever she sees a flag she recognises (Mainly the union jack as we are in U.K.)
-Teaching them the local language. My little one loved saying Ola to people in Lisbon having learnt Spanish in her nursery.

Once at the location, I love seeing the new city from her eyes, from the colourful buildings and the various different modes of transportation in each new place (she loves comparing the local buses to our double decker red buses in London) to pointing out any item of interest to her such as a windmill or animal sculptures or even shop signs when she was learning the alphabet. We describe the items using words within her vocabulary as it grew too in each trip and she always found the interaction made the journey that much more engaging.

Other locals with children love striking conversations with you more too when you have a young one of your own. Our beach neighbour in Sardinia very happily shared all her toddler's toys with ours when the two started playing together. This is usually a lovely way to compare parenting notes with a different culture and I'm quick to note that sleep deprivation is a universal issue with raising children.

Food, Naps and Supplies.
Food - If your child is still exclusively breastfeeding as was my experience in Dijon/ Burgundy, this is the least stress free travel period. I just had to plan the car journeys around feed stops and be prepared to change her anywhere or let her sleep anywhere. When she grew older, my relaxed rule became that children should be ready to eat what's in front of them, she eats what we eat. Granted she has no known allergies and we did stick to staples in most places; it is usually yoghurt, fruit (fresh or dried), bread and cheese that we always gravitate to in any new city we visit. The fun part is trying the local varieties of these and my toddler has loved the Italian ricotta, the Sardinian flatbread (Pane Carasau), light flaky Portugese pasteis, fresh Mediterranean fruit and even grilled squid as well as various varieties of pizza and pasta.

My one saving grace travelling in Europe is the availability of ready made formula packed in portion sized cartons or bottle so no more warming up bottles, asking for hot water at restaurants etc. Between the ages of 1-2 we just always brought with us cartons of long life milk and fed her that on demand. This meant that I didn't have to stress if she didn't particularly enjoy the meals we'd ordered as she'd always have a supplement.

Naps - My relaxed rule here is that children should be comfortable sleeping in strange beds/ environments. I didn't stress about putting her in a dark closet so that she wouldn't wake (although my husband still fondly remembers her harassing me from her cot in our Manchester hotel room). We co slept everywhere else and mostly the supplied cots were more used as play pens during our stay.

We let her nap anywhere (In a carrier or stroller or car seat or even on a towel at the beach in Sardinia) and anytime that suited her. Sometimes it was a long nap (the whole trip in the Vatican City) and sometimes it was short but we didn't stress it and didn't force her to keep to a strict bedtime. This meant that we could even stay out till 9 p.m. sometimes which is usually when the European cities have dinner in summer time.

Supplies - I pack light and tend to pack just enough supplies to last us the travel leg and one day at the destination. Then my priority upon touchdown has always been to seek out the local supermarket or pharmacy to stock up on nappies, formula and snacks. This is handy if you asked locals for the localised brands in advance although I have found that the major brands are typically quite prevalent across all of the major European cities. My favourite shopping experience has to be coming across tubs of packaged Plasmon horse meat baby food in Rome. I have an Italian friend who told me they do feed their children horse and other choice game meats, but I'd thought it was lost in translation until I saw it with my very own eyes.

We'd typically only have a reclining lightweight stroller and carrier with us and not bother bringing other things such as a travel cot or baby bath (it was either the adult bath tub or a shower with no soap for the trip)or car seat as we'd either borrow or rent those things off the accommodation we were at or make do with whatever resources we did have available to us. I found that most restaurants/cafes in Europe where we visited don’t have safe baby seats. They have high chairs with no leg harness so our little one could slip through. We fortunately brought along a portable cloth wraparound thing to tie to a seat and actually found this very handy to have even in hotel rooms where we might need to convert a normal chair into a baby friendly seat for feeding (Ages 6 months to 13 months depending on how mobile your little one is, Ours didn't walk or climb till 14 months).

It goes without saying then if you've read this far that my last tip is on flexing your usual routines and habits. If the bub is tired, she will sleep. If she is hungry she will eat. We likely spent a bit more on better accom and taxis on our travels with her than if we were to travel on our own, but it is balanced by us seeking local taverns/ pubs or family run restaurants that are less fancy a.k.a less pricey for food. She is also at an age where she doesn't get bored too easily yet but we'd still limit the amount of galleries, ancient ruins and museums we'd visit per trip. It is unrealistic to expect that you may be able to enjoy a full tour or read through the information packs on each exhibit, so weigh that up before you pay a lot in entrance fees.

That's it really. Travelling with little ones make them happy and open minded about the world. That in its own is reward enough for me to keep at it even when I don't relax the whole holiday. So much of a reward that we've upped the challenge to include one last babymoon in Santorini before I stop flying for a while. Pregnant in the height of summer and navigating cliff side cities with an active 2.5 year old will be interesting I am sure but we didn't want the easy way out and pick a 'family-friendly' island. So pardon us if you are a honeymooner in Oia at that time of the year. We hope we don't put you off starting a family with the antics we may get up to.






































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More anecdotes from my 2year old

I know she is going on 12 I swear. On her birthday morning I found her in the lounge by herself reading her books and making animal noises to herself. Then when we said happy birthday to her she corrected us to sing her full name including middle and last name. 😳

We prayed for my grandmother a lot when she was unwell. My toddler contributed to the prayer by asking for Taipo to walk and stand again. When my grandmother passed away, I told my little one that Taipo has gone home to be with Jesus. She promptly says Taipo walk, Taipo stand and Taipo fly!

She was flipping through the Jack and Beanstalk book and then loudly declares that Jack was a naughty boy. I asked her how so and she said cause he took the giant's toys and didn't share.

She used to have an unhealthy obsession with my boobs. To wean her, I told her my boobs aren't for her anymore. Then she said very loudly one day whilst pointing at my chest "No nainai" which Mr.HEA took to mean she thinks I have no boobs 😒

Watching the Westminster terror news on BBC, she got excited by the picture of Big Ben on screen. Then she misheard the news of the policeman falling down so she declares the Big Ben has fallen down.

She walks in whilst I am sitting down to breakfast. Instead of Good morning, she says,"what are you doing sweetie pie?"

She's begun to read to herself a lot. She can memorise some words from some of the pages so she will say it with inflections that mimics how we must sound when reading to her. She's even memorised some of the full sentences and narrate the story based on the pictures. If we are around, she may also pick up the book to face us and point to something on the page like her educators at nursery does and say "See? See?"

Stalling bedtime she runs down a list of food demands to see which one I'd relent to. Upon being successful with her milk request, she quickly gulps down a cup and then asks me for milk again. I remind her she's just had some. She informs me "That's hot milk mummy. I want cold milk now."

Having given her a tub of yoghurt. I ask,"what must you say?" She replies whilst holding out the tub at me,"Open"

She saw me hiding the CDs that she loved playing with because I was afraid she may scratch them so she said," that's not funny mummy. It's not very nice"

When her daddy has done something or said something right she'll either say "Clever daddy" or "Well done daddy".

I walked in on her sticking a whole pack of shiny stickers on her daddy's face. "What are you doing?" She replies,"Making daddy pretty" 😂

It was raining when I dropped her off at nursery. By the time her daddy picks her up, it was drizzling still ( it is Britain after all). 2yr old shakes her hand exasperatedly in the air, "It's raining Again?!"

After a fun evening having dinner with her Godmother, she declares the next day she wants to wear yellow, just like Godma. I put her in the only Yellow top she has and she stares at it, me holding my breath in case there is a tantrum coming. Puzzled she asks,"Does Godma's jumper have a frog too?"

We had pizzas delivered one Friday night and she got really excited greeting them at the door. Early the next morning she greeted the IKEA delivery guys at the door with me and after seeing them lay down several large flat pack boxes, she demanded, "where's the pizza?"

After helping me put together a flatpack bench, her daddy walked in and asked her what she had built. Having never seen one before she looks at it unimpressed and responds,"Another table".

She thinks the dinosaur's name is Sarah-tops. And she wants to know where's the Mummy-saurus.

As she is eagerly learning dinosaur names, one evening she points to a dinosaur in her book and quizzes us on its name. Her daddy whips out his iPhone and we fervently compare the images until we settle on the dinasaur it most resembles and then attempt to learn it's Latin name. Once we thought we'd got it, we tried to teach her but she stares blankly at us and declares simply, "It's the Orange dinosaur".


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Immigrants

Lately I have been reading about Asians in South East Asia. The generations of migration from China in search of a better life and the culture they brought along with them and how they have built themselves through adversity integrating their beliefs into a new environment adapting and learning the language as they went along. With my family, we had been settled in Malaysia for three generations. Only one of my many thirteen aunts and uncles had moved overseas and even then, it was to Singapore so geographically and culturally it wasn't very distant.

My grandparents arrived in Malaysia when they were eighteen. Their sea passage was definitely a lot less pleasant than mine and they had far less resources to get them settled in. Yet they have left this world with a legacy they built themselves on Malayan soil; fourteen families they leave behind all established in their own lives and keeping the values instilled in them. We all heard the stories of the hardships they had to endure growing their young families and businesses in this foreign land. My grandmothers couldn't even read or write. I shudder to think how scary the world would have seemed to them in that age.

I reflect upon my life and how in my short thirty three years I have found myself forging life in three continents. Each time it is similar, well I guess I can't count Malaysia cause I was born there, but there's always the foreignness at first where you don't know how to get anything done. Mainly you don't know what the equivalents are so where do you go to find stuff? Who do you call to fix things? How do you size up the society and area to decide if it is somewhere you'd like to settle down in?

I remember always the feelings of homesickness initially, but also the tingling sense of excitement knowing an adventure is just beginning. There is the figuring out of curiosities, like how does one get from A to B whilst perusing the nest of coloured train lines on a local transport map, or how to set up your finances so that you can purchase things to make you feel more at home? Even getting a phone line or internet just seems so frustrating especially when you usually have to use the phone or internet usually to get these set up to begin with!

Then the fun begins of picking out where you'd like to live. Exploring new places and neighbourhoods, finding out where the locals would hang and imagining yourself in their shoes seeing if it fits you. Some suburbs are bustling and inviting, others quiet and serene, some just grey and cold and void of signs of life. I reflect on the many homes I have lived in in my lifetime, thirteen so far and I know I haven't yet found my forever home, does this make me a nomad?

When you've sorted that out you begin to attend social environments to meet new friends. This is usually the chance I get to reinvent myself. My first move to Sydney I wanted to lose my geekiness (it wasn't considered cool yet then) and be part of the 'cool' crowd that explored the bar and club scenes together as we had all just reached the drinking age. My second move to London I found myself more open to meeting people who I could connect with mainly young working people discovering London/Europe together but I didn't hide who I was at this stage because socially I was more certain of who I am by now and what I firmly like and don't like.

Then slowly, after a year usually, this new country suddenly feels like home. You don't have to look up where you are going everyday. In fact you walk purposefully because you have somewhere to be, someone who is expecting you to turn up. You know where to buy you favourites and your home no longer smells unfamiliar to you.

I wonder if this was how it was like for my grandparents, but I suspect not. The world was tougher on them and to some even these days, I know it is still tough for them. I am grateful. I want my daughter who has been born in a country that's different from her mum's and her dad's birth countries, different too from her grandparents and great grandparents, I want her to know where she's come from and I want her to know who we all are (and were).

If the world is a big place then hopefully, being descended from diverse cultures, she'd always find similarity between hers and the new people she's meeting. If the world is small then may she always find where she needs to be and can belong.

Last night I had a dream of all the housemates I had shared a place with since I left my parents' house and how now we decided to find a home together again. It didn't end pretty so I think I know that that was a time of my life we'd never be able to recreate. But I am ever grateful we had a chance at it to begin with.

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To my 2 year old

You woke up this morning and decided to let me have a lie in. I woke to find you in the lounge entertaining yourself with your books.

Another year. What a journey it's been. We went from fighting and disagreeing on the crying it out method to really now enjoying our time with you. You made the parenthood thing seem all that much more worthwhile this year now that you talk and express yourself and exude self confidence.

Of course your skill set has improved by leaps and bounds in the last year and I know you and your friends are aware of each other now and they look forward to seeing you each day (they even made you a card for your bday which I am keeping to hopefully show you one day)as much as you look forward to being there with them in nursery. Your educators report that you are such a book lover, that you are caring and will readily give cuddles and say hi and bye to everyone you see at the nursery, that you help give out the water bottles at meal times, that you are really quite the tall poppy with yelling out the right answer when it comes to categories you know, that you are everyday a pleasure for them to be with. You are now branching too from books into exploring drawing, play dough, dancing and singing. For all of that I am ever so grateful and thankful because i just want you be happy and well-fulfilled.

Your daddy is so proud of you. Of how brave you are and your high threshold for pain. Indeed you are fearless poking at spiders and throwing yourself into swimming pools dive after dive, you will pick yourself up again after a fall and hobble along with just kisses to make you feel better. I hope I never project my own phobias onto you in our lifetime together.

I never thought I would end up with you. The determined, independent and straightforward little person that you are (which you got from your father), but also how seeking of positive reinforcement, imaginative and emotional you can be, taking after me. Perhaps this means you'd become a stronger woman than I am, rational and decisive like your father but empathetic and strategic like me. I quiver with excitement just imagining the person you could become and the endless possibilities there are for you that I didn't have because your father and I are so determined to give you the cultural and educational best that our worlds can offer you.

My darling daughter, for one, I still cannot forget how you told me in a dream that you are a daughter way before we met you or knew what gender you were. And how despite hoping for a boy, you've proven to me that I needed a girl as my first born and you've been ever so gentle with us as new parents being a good little girl that doesn't test your boundaries in ways that we are ill prepared for. You have in a way made parenting a toddler rather easy so far so I pray that you shall be just as understanding in your older years and dare I hope your teens? I get ahead of myself. Happy birthday darling! Looking forward to another year of joy and chats with you.




























I made the achievement cards a couple of weeks back and pre-empted a few things. In favour of not posting untruths, you haven't mastered the shapes yet but you are definitely better at potty training than I expected you would be.

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