Life has been tough working on the long distance. But in truth, it hasn't really begun yet because I haven't yet gotten to begin the Skype and Viber calls.
I keep missing the boy when he What's apps me and it really sucks. For a moment I begun to believe I really suck at this game. But first let me back track a little.
Day 1:
I probably struggled a little when I came back into the room after the airport and after saying goodnight to my in-laws, being all alone, shed some private tears.
Then I decided to nurse my heart with Modern Family episodes on the TV setup Mr.HEA left me with and I slept quite alright.
Getting up on Day 1 was tender, I was fragile. I wasn't sure what state I should be in, but the in-laws acted normal so I had no reason to act otherwise. Walking to work in the new neighbourhood and learning this new routine, I kept checking my thoughts, taking deep breaths before the tears rolled down my cheeks. And this was my revelation, I kept thinking like he was never coming back...or that I had lost him. But how odd is that when I really could fare worse, it could be like the Time Traveller's wife (I don't know why but this story relates best to me at the moment for solace) when her husband dies and she knows she only gets one more chance to see him in her future. I am luckier, I have Mr.HEA to Skype, Viber and What's app and email if I so fancy. The point is, he is away, but not gone.
So I straighten myself up and carry on.
An observation though, people tend to want to offer hugs and words of kindness and support. I feel touched, but I can't take them right now. The funny thing is, Mr.HEA's cousin's done the exact same thing as Mr.HEA and left her long-term partner behind. Sharing with him, he tells me he gets that too, but they also feed him cause they are possibly worried that no one is feeding him anymore. Funny.
Thanks everyone who have tried to get in contact to help me grieve/ tide over the period, but truly, your kindness makes me weak at the moment and I need strength more than anything.
And my solution is to focus on the other things that I can do without being reminded of Mr.HEA, and thank goodness there is plenty.
I work, and pour myself into my job. I catch up with my friends that are not mutual friends of ours, I talk to my mum and brother and have a good laugh. I watch comedies and organise things around the room to make life as normal and comfortable for myself as I possibly can instead of moping around. And I take the time to take care of myself, investing time in my beauty routine and getting more exercise and beauty sleep.
Day 2:
Today I am a lot stronger and didn't have to take as many deep breaths to collect myself. I did learn that my GM views my long distance relationship as a business risk though and I do not know if I should feel honoured that I am viewed to be that important, or if I should be upset that the business could be so unfeeling about my personal life. Anyhoo, I am not making a big deal out of this until they do.
I keep missing Mr.HEA's What's App msges. I guess using the iPhone 3 does make this What'sApp thing a lot harder with all the delayed responses. I am sad I haven't been getting to hear his voice, but I just have to keep patient and vigilant for the phone notifications and not let it get the better of us.
Also got a little distracted because I had ordered mum flowers online for her bday and got jipped because the delivery was two flowers short
and there was certainly was a lot more foliage than the picture showed!
What a rort?!!!
Sometimes a little retail fury is just what the doctor's ordered for some long distance strength. That and some gin.
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