"I believe the bigger issue is parents abdicating their responsibility to care for their own children. If Dad is the breadwinner, Mom needs to care for the babies. It is illogical to leave the care of one's children to anyone who doesn't love the child the way a parent does.
Most families with nannies don't really 'need' them. They have them because Mom doesn't want to be the childcare provider - she'd rather go to her fancy office after a manicure, facial and SoulCycle. I think the profound loss for children is when the woman who gave birth to them chooses to be Busy Miss Important instead of Mom."
Notwithstanding that this quote is riddled and laced with judgement, I feel also it is unfair to pile on the mum guilt on your fellow mums when society already struggles to battle inherent mysogynist prejudice and practices.
I am not sure yet how to juggle my finances when I have two non-school aged toddlers that I have to put in full time nursery when I go back to work. Firstly I will clarify that there will be no manicures, facials or gym sessions for me. There will be however motivation and fulfilment from knowing that I am contributing to taxes and my company, that my work is valued and I can still care for my children in my best form in this capacity. Because full time child care is energy draining and because I was raised to not rely on handouts but to work hard to earn my keep. Somewhere along the journey of motherhood, I realised I cannot put on a big smile and make the genuine effort to teach-play my children when I spend 24 hours with them.
I grew up in an environment where it took a village to raise a child. Of course it helped that my parents had seven to eight siblings on each side all of whom married and had kids. That itself made for an instant village. And whilst we haven't employed the services of a nanny we certainly are grateful for all the efforts of the nursery's educators that tend to our child.
She is fed and cleaned and put to nap. Routine things that believe it or not are harder for me to achieve as her biological mother. It honestly takes less effort for anyone else to do that. That extra energy that the adult and child conserves from those battles are then better directed into play learning activities of which my child benefits from having a multicultural and multidimensional environment. I only found out yesterday that my daughter speaks and understands her Spanish educator well. Certainly this exposure to a third language would not be possible had we kept her at home. Not only that, her nursery has begun to hire more male staff other than the cook and I embrace this with open arms because I want her to grow up accepting that men are just as well equipped to care for and teach young children, it isn't solely 'a woman's role'.
My time is then better spent googling printables on my lunch break and sensory activities or conjuring up ideas for what to transform her play corner into next. We just changed her grocery shop corner into a garage over the weekend. We have enjoyed pretending to let her sell us groceries and gauging what reasonable pricing for her felt foods should be. Now it's time to move on to maybe teaching her some traffic rules and the different range of automobiles. Can I do this if I was a SAHM? Maybe. But who knows? I may not want to decorate gingerbreadmen with her or make Hungry caterpillar crafts if I was dead tired from the constant barrage of cleaning, feeding and routine enforcement. There are mothers/ fathers who can do that. I know I am not them and I respect them deeply.
This is after all my way of being my best to my children and husband. You must find yours and once you find it, know that your children will think you are most wonderful and will ALWAYS prefer you way over anyone else that cares for them in whatever capacity.
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