We have our dream home and I still love it everyday. I love it more and more as we put our own stamp on it each day. Sure it doesn’t look as much of a show home as we initially fell in love with but it is our lives on display there. The strewn toys, the child’s bath tub, the various toothpastes with each family member’s fluoride needs cluttered on the bathroom sink and each person’s towels hanging on the towel rails all representing each of our footprints in the home and I do not let it irk me.
I do feel robbed of my last month of Maternity Leave as the amount of time put into the move has meant I didn’t get to develop my girls as much as I would have liked. Sure little L had great fun ‘packing’ as she threw various things into boxes for me. Sure S enjoyed quietly sitting by and tracing Chinese characters with a highlighter, but those achievements went quietly unnoticed in present time. So many times I had to say “Not now honey” to a request to play or read with my toddler and so many times I’ve discouraged an inquisitive baby by strapping her into the baby carrier. If only I had double the amount of time in my day so that I could go about running errands as well as being a dedicated mum. I spread myself too thin as did Mr HEA and I hope our girls forgive us.
Miss 1, you have finally understood that Mummy is not going to always be around and that you’ll be ok. Even if it means you don’t let go when you do find me, I know you’ll be alright. You have really begun to understand words and communication between us all. You do really well in Nursery, enjoying circle time most and the constant singing in your new environment. You clap and bounce and wave happily along with your new friends and I believe they are teaching you to walk as you spent your first weekend after Nursery cruising a lot and pushing around bar stools like walkers. You no longer need to feed to sleep though I am sneakily still giving you boob throughout the night. You have the cheekiest demeanour as you find splashing me with your bath water, eating my nose and putting food in your hair the funniest things to annoy me with. Suddenly you have gone from a child who abhors food to now adoring it. I feed you rice balls, bananas, veggie straws and apples which are suddenly your new found favourites. You started taking a dummy last week and cows milk out of a sippy cup last month. You never cease to prove me wrong, perhaps because you are always so easily bored and in want of a new distraction. I know that this means I don’t have to worry about you trying new things and that in your own time, you will accept them. My daring, sweet yet cheeky child thank you for the past year, validating that I can be a competent mum if I relax just a tad.
Miss 3, you can trace lines and try very hard to colour inside the lines now. You can do buttons and blow your own nose. You pronounce L and K better than before and you can read small words with phonics now. I know you can climb very high on climbing frames and you can slide down poles too. My fearless, clumsy, clever little monkey, you are so imaginative and so protective of your loved ones, I love your mother hen nature and hope in time to shield you from the pain that also comes with not being able to watch your loved ones fail for themselves. You are brave my little one, able to bear sadness and pain with your quiet strength, though you would sing our ears off with your made up or newly memorised songs. I was very sad the other day when I had to force you into a quiet corner because you couldn’t control your temper you were so tired and hungry. I couldn’t bear to see you so distraught but you were so mean and disagreeable before food arrived. I know that is a side of you that I need to teach you to manage even if I was never taught it myself. I know what it is like to feel sorry for yourself and to feel that the whole world has turned against you in those moments. You are a true reflection of me my child. Please trust me as I help you navigate your emotions and imagination in this big world.
I love you two more than I’d ever imagine I could and I have had to be tougher on you lately because I hope to shape you both to be kind and useful human beings. Please do not let us take in vain every laugh and every tear we share together as I hope to see you two become strong influential women who apply yourselves in your chosen vocation. For now, learn through play and enjoy childhood together with Mummy and Daddy by your sides. We are not ready to let go quite yet.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
