COVID-19 changed everything and halted most plans. Gratefully, we remain unscathed. If anything, some form of resilience kicked in and my husband rather enjoyed the lockdown way of life, sharing childcare duties with me, cooking barbecues midweek and getting to know our children better. My children won’t eat dinner without him these days and it has been nice for me to not parent alone in the evenings.
We also have managed to begin enjoying outdoor activities together more. Going for a walk or a bike ride as a family has become a fun thing that this family can now do together.
Not too long ago we were on a wonderful Roadtrip to the Black Forest and Lyon which ended on a very very high note. The children have enjoyed activities like bike riding, swimming, table tennis, hiking, seen all sorts of birds and animals on this trip, learnt about some history, and eaten decadent foods. My two year old even surprised me by liking olives at one of our alfresco lunches. They both also didn’t seem squeamish when we fed them frog’s legs in France.
Best of all, the one year goal I had set to change my daughters’ schooling education came true and this week, my firstborn changes school for Y1! I am so elated about it all that I have not stopped praying and cannot seem to sleep very well ever since finding out the news.
Of course there is the anxiety of my little one having to leave her friends from the previous year. She has grown fond of her mates that she was in preschool with that also went into school with her this past year. She already didn’t like the fact that they leave Reception, now she is changing schools! I trust that she will adjust quickly but still I feel sad that I didn’t consider her feelings very much when I burst out in joy upon reading the offer email in the car on the roadtrip. She seemed so confused and upset by the news which I didn’t convey to her in the best circumstances. I am still bad mum it would seem. Although she will still see her best mate after school in wraparound care, very cruelly for them, they are separated because of the bubbles of different schools.
It isn’t new, the first year of school had been fraught with anxieties from me, albeit her steadfast progress which constantly amazed me. Undeterred by having to learn how to write cursive after just mastering her letters in preschool, and ditching Spanish lessons for French, she learnt voraciously through her passion for reading and trying new things. She took up tennis, chess, swimming, cycling and a little bit of table tennis and engaged in the learning. This past week, her teachers have observed how bright she is and moved her up a reading level. All very good points to affirm what I always knew in her. It did break my heart when on the first day, a little girl we already knew rolled her eyes when her mummy asked her to escort my LO into school. And again when upon pickup my firstborn says she played all by herself in school. I never expected her to be popular but had always been glad (perhaps took for granted) that she at least had her one true friend in the past year.
Still, one week in, she seems settled, and happy to be learning again. I am again humbled by God’s plan for me, how He has chosen a far better path than I knew for myself. Given me a daughter who teaches me more than I knew I had to learn about humanity. She bears my outbursts when lockdown motherhood gets a bit tough, she stifles her silent tears and puts on a brave face when I have lost mine. She holds my hand in her little one fiercely, just to calm me down. It is all a bit Vanity Fair. She is Emmy and I am George, not the best Mother she deserves.
My littlest one, the Becky Sharp who is wily and mean on the other hand gets all my fawning because she flashes her cute smiles and exerts herself in all aspects demanding my attention. Some days I realise I spend too much time playing to her whims and not asserting my authority to make her do the right thing. I have tried to flip this recently and be stricter. We possibly need to try harder with her academics too. She is slow to follow her sister’s footsteps in letters and numbers but her imagination is coming to live, ignited by following her sister in play. She kneads dough very deftly and intuitively to my surprise and loves helping me make food although she doesn’t eat very much of it.
My life can be complete now. I can keep this story going on this wonderful trajectory. Or we could tempt fate and try one more time to tip the balance. Not a decision to be made today, but watch this space, the lockdown has made us yearn for social things, learn new skills and compromises, Miss our families back home. But it hasn’t broken our spirit or our faith in God and humanity. So, until the next time I have something meaningful to write about again, I bid adieu to this chapter and hope I never have to homeschool again.
