I feel like this day shouldn’t be happening but yet I know it is. Somehow it feels like you are still there and I will hear your voice and you bouncing back again a third time爸爸. But it is painful to see you hide your pain, I really listened to everything you said but perhaps I didn’t listen to the words you didn’t say. Your last words to me to tell me not to worry, I flooded you in my farewell with the same. But maybe I should have worried more, perhaps we should have been more proactive, but then we may not have had this opportunity to properly say farewell.
Thank you so much for loving me and teaching me to be a noble person in life. Thank you for teaching me to have dreams and achieving those dreams. Thank you for loving my children and teaching me to enjoy life everyday. You are someone I always want to share my hopes, achievements and rants with. I enjoy eating and drinking with you, for you enjoy to the fullest. This sort of life is your celebration of all things that matter to you and you don’t sweat the unimportant issues.
I remember being in a pub with you and realising that you are willing to give all things in life a go. Try new things and deciding if you like it or not. But the love of life brought about with it challenges during lockdown. We couldn’t predict it. Contact tracing was poor and you hid your worst fears from us. I spoke with you everyday and yet I only picked up on the fatigue, not the virus that was busy ravaging your lungs before it took away your last breath. If I knew someone had been to blame for your sufferings, I would make them pay, but God asked me to forgive and I prayed The Lord’s Prayer for you, for myself and for us all to find amd make peace. You have peace and I believe Mum has found peace too.
It was hard to say Goodbye today Daddy, so I won’t. I will let you live on forever in my heart, in my life, for every animal I hear or see, every plant I nurture into fruition, I will see your passion for nature and your love in them. For every drink I have from now on, I will drink the last drop for you in your honour and memory. In every laugh that comes after this, I shall fondly remember your rolling belly laughter. Your cheekiness, your generosity, your last gift to my children which I will stretch for years of Christmases to come.
Happy Father’s Day and Happy birthday Daddy for next month and the month after next. I thought I’d have a chance to say those words to you; but sadly no. Wake me up when May 2021 ends.
