Growing up too fast.

Whilst listening to Disney songs, "this is the bear song!" I say excitedly having recognised the tune. "Bare necessities mummy." She corrects me.

Somewhere on instagram I read that these years are the longest shortest time and I totally agree. Amidst dealing with teething fevers and her obsession with flicking my earlobes for comfort inducing sleepless nights, twenty minute potty training sessions spent in the toilet always happening mid dinner time and the constant whining for chocolate treats as well as thwarting her cheeky sass I can't help admiring the little person we have brought into the world. Not even six months ago she only begun saying two to three words together and now she is using sentences, plurals, pronouns as well as contradicting us with opposites. The most fulfilling thing is to see her purposefully trying to use more structured mandarin sentences with me as I have always worried about whether she'd be able to pick the language up if she was only introduced to it via myself.

In the throes of growing a human being inside me and raising one outside, I find myself slightly apprehensive of our future. I admit that I was hesitant finding out I will have another girl. It is a blessing I thought I didn't deserve as people tell me how close the sisters will be and how caring girls are to their parents compared to boys. But at the same time I feared the raging emotions and hormones, I worry about the predators of our sick world and most of all I worry about whether I'd be able to be the best example of a woman to them for them to aspire to. I know now I have to be stronger, better and more focused with my life as my girls will need me to be. The perfectionist in me needs to be balanced with being able to have fun. The rules I set need to be reasonable and considered, adaptable to our modern world whilst keeping to religious and traditional values. I just want my girls to be God-fearing, decent human beings with a sense of responsibility and caring individuals but never losing sight of the goodness that can be found in this world and enjoying it to their fullest, is that at all possible?

I shall make it my mission.

I find myself growing up too fast too. I got my first decent bonus this year in my whole life and other than buying some summer fitting maternity wear that I so desperately need and a pair of Aldo black ballerina flats, I sensibly decided to stow the rest away for a rainy day. I tried to find a bag to splurge it on but even the thought of replacing my fraying Longchamp bag was a little indulgent in my eyes. I didn't bother shopping for more frocks or toys for the new Bub, instead I find myself making plans for our forever home. But I don’t know what this all means yet. We can’t decide what is the best course of plan and nobody that really matters to us seem to mind whichever decision we make, to stay or to go/ to keep or to sell. So the main thing to remind myself to prioritise is our little family unit’s wellbeing and happiness. Not to try to overachieve or aspire for a home that is too hard to maintain nor to please anyone else but just us.

The horrid thing about living in the social media enabled sharing society we are today is the incessant need to be pinterest/ Instagram worthy. I had a Matcha sundae for lunch today. It was pretty and totally gonna garner likes if I had taken a picture and posted it on my Instagram. But I wanted to dig in as soon as I received it. No time to stop and take a picture. So I have no ‘evidence’ that it had happened. But my belly is happy and my thirst in this summer heat quenched. So the grown up me enjoyed the moment and acknowledges it happened. Much like the home that I aspire to build. Lovely refuge for my girls and man and a hospitable place always open to guests, with food in the pantry. That’s all it needs to be.

How to travel with a Toddler in Europe

As long as you don't get bored easily, and are not looking for excitement, travelling in Europe with an infant/ toddler is entirely possible without necessarily going to an all-inclusive resort.

The golden rule is keep the itinerary simple with as few accommodation changes as possible and plan just one big ticket activity to achieve each day.

The other travel mantra I stand by? Travel light and be prepared to buy foreign products for your baby. That's it. Armed with these travel principles, we've travelled with my 2 year old now to Burgundy, Rome, Ireland, Sardinia and Lisbon. We've also done multiple road trips around U.K., Hong Kong, Malaysia (twice) and Australia but as those trips were not overseas/ family visits we've never encountered the same challenges as travelling in Europe other than the multiple long haul flights.

I know I am not an expert on this and we generally have an easy kid who loves the experience of exploring something different or new with us. So if you are interested, I'll elaborate further.

Prepping Your Kids and helping them enjoy the trip

Plan and research ahead of the trip. The internet with its plethora of blogs and forums are full of helpful hints on what to expect. I also like asking our new friends who were locals of the places we'll be visiting on their recommendations and advice.

Then I formulate a little game plan that could involve:
- Introducing new books or little toys that relate to where you are visiting.
- I've started my little one on learning the flags of the different places we visit and she goes berserk whenever she sees a flag she recognises (Mainly the union jack as we are in U.K.)
-Teaching them the local language. My little one loved saying Ola to people in Lisbon having learnt Spanish in her nursery.

Once at the location, I love seeing the new city from her eyes, from the colourful buildings and the various different modes of transportation in each new place (she loves comparing the local buses to our double decker red buses in London) to pointing out any item of interest to her such as a windmill or animal sculptures or even shop signs when she was learning the alphabet. We describe the items using words within her vocabulary as it grew too in each trip and she always found the interaction made the journey that much more engaging.

Other locals with children love striking conversations with you more too when you have a young one of your own. Our beach neighbour in Sardinia very happily shared all her toddler's toys with ours when the two started playing together. This is usually a lovely way to compare parenting notes with a different culture and I'm quick to note that sleep deprivation is a universal issue with raising children.

Food, Naps and Supplies.
Food - If your child is still exclusively breastfeeding as was my experience in Dijon/ Burgundy, this is the least stress free travel period. I just had to plan the car journeys around feed stops and be prepared to change her anywhere or let her sleep anywhere. When she grew older, my relaxed rule became that children should be ready to eat what's in front of them, she eats what we eat. Granted she has no known allergies and we did stick to staples in most places; it is usually yoghurt, fruit (fresh or dried), bread and cheese that we always gravitate to in any new city we visit. The fun part is trying the local varieties of these and my toddler has loved the Italian ricotta, the Sardinian flatbread (Pane Carasau), light flaky Portugese pasteis, fresh Mediterranean fruit and even grilled squid as well as various varieties of pizza and pasta.

My one saving grace travelling in Europe is the availability of ready made formula packed in portion sized cartons or bottle so no more warming up bottles, asking for hot water at restaurants etc. Between the ages of 1-2 we just always brought with us cartons of long life milk and fed her that on demand. This meant that I didn't have to stress if she didn't particularly enjoy the meals we'd ordered as she'd always have a supplement.

Naps - My relaxed rule here is that children should be comfortable sleeping in strange beds/ environments. I didn't stress about putting her in a dark closet so that she wouldn't wake (although my husband still fondly remembers her harassing me from her cot in our Manchester hotel room). We co slept everywhere else and mostly the supplied cots were more used as play pens during our stay.

We let her nap anywhere (In a carrier or stroller or car seat or even on a towel at the beach in Sardinia) and anytime that suited her. Sometimes it was a long nap (the whole trip in the Vatican City) and sometimes it was short but we didn't stress it and didn't force her to keep to a strict bedtime. This meant that we could even stay out till 9 p.m. sometimes which is usually when the European cities have dinner in summer time.

Supplies - I pack light and tend to pack just enough supplies to last us the travel leg and one day at the destination. Then my priority upon touchdown has always been to seek out the local supermarket or pharmacy to stock up on nappies, formula and snacks. This is handy if you asked locals for the localised brands in advance although I have found that the major brands are typically quite prevalent across all of the major European cities. My favourite shopping experience has to be coming across tubs of packaged Plasmon horse meat baby food in Rome. I have an Italian friend who told me they do feed their children horse and other choice game meats, but I'd thought it was lost in translation until I saw it with my very own eyes.

We'd typically only have a reclining lightweight stroller and carrier with us and not bother bringing other things such as a travel cot or baby bath (it was either the adult bath tub or a shower with no soap for the trip)or car seat as we'd either borrow or rent those things off the accommodation we were at or make do with whatever resources we did have available to us. I found that most restaurants/cafes in Europe where we visited don’t have safe baby seats. They have high chairs with no leg harness so our little one could slip through. We fortunately brought along a portable cloth wraparound thing to tie to a seat and actually found this very handy to have even in hotel rooms where we might need to convert a normal chair into a baby friendly seat for feeding (Ages 6 months to 13 months depending on how mobile your little one is, Ours didn't walk or climb till 14 months).

It goes without saying then if you've read this far that my last tip is on flexing your usual routines and habits. If the bub is tired, she will sleep. If she is hungry she will eat. We likely spent a bit more on better accom and taxis on our travels with her than if we were to travel on our own, but it is balanced by us seeking local taverns/ pubs or family run restaurants that are less fancy a.k.a less pricey for food. She is also at an age where she doesn't get bored too easily yet but we'd still limit the amount of galleries, ancient ruins and museums we'd visit per trip. It is unrealistic to expect that you may be able to enjoy a full tour or read through the information packs on each exhibit, so weigh that up before you pay a lot in entrance fees.

That's it really. Travelling with little ones make them happy and open minded about the world. That in its own is reward enough for me to keep at it even when I don't relax the whole holiday. So much of a reward that we've upped the challenge to include one last babymoon in Santorini before I stop flying for a while. Pregnant in the height of summer and navigating cliff side cities with an active 2.5 year old will be interesting I am sure but we didn't want the easy way out and pick a 'family-friendly' island. So pardon us if you are a honeymooner in Oia at that time of the year. We hope we don't put you off starting a family with the antics we may get up to.






































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You never stop becoming

When I read this in the nytimes review of the TV series Girls finale it was a poignant reminder of what life really is: “Girls” is a story of becoming. Hannah has become an author, become a teacher, become a parent. But she also — like all of us — will never stop becoming. Nothing stops being a struggle. No one stops growing up. You triumph and screw up, you succeed and backslide. You walk on...

It is true that the essence of life is about the becoming. Reflecting on the words our friends and family specifically remember us saying at each stage though, I know I have become so much more. I remember a cousin once observed how truly in love I was with my boyfriend and then juxtaposed with another time, in my stop in Malaysia before coming over to London where Kak made an observation that she thought I no longer believed in Love. I was two years into my marriage then and heartbroken from the long distance I endured not long after we married. Kak knew me more from my Carrie Bradshaw-esque single girls era where I was fervently searching for real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Looking at the snippets of social media I've shared since 2007 (Facebook) and 2010 (Instagram), the past ten years truly documented my becoming a woman. First a fun-seeking willing to try anything young woman in her early twenties. Just out of Uni, had my first taste of travel to Japan and Europe, earning enough in my bank account to purchase my first designer bag (my lust for Louis Vuitton back then was my biggest weakness and worse obsession in my life). I agonised over why he wouldn't say he loved me. Formulated theories over why he tortured me so and then threw it to the wind and went fine dining and fine wine tasting with friends before dancing/singing into the depths of the night.

In 2010, I went to America and got proposed to, after which I began this blog and thus began preparing myself for this rite of passage called Marriage. I thought I knew all about it and the kind of wife I would be, essentially a bigger, badder-arse version of the girlfriend I was, with full financial control over the household. Ah that was not to be so. I was repressed in a career that I loved, but didn't feel respected in, I flitted between the glamour of living a blog-worthy life and the realities of making a marriage work and how it doesn't include my girlfriends or my love of the culinary delights in top restaurants, not with Mr.HEA anyways. When we stripped it down with all our soul-searching, it didn't even include the house we thought would be our family home. It wasn't the city or the life we need to show we lived, it was just the two of us and how important it was that both of us were continuously seeking to work at our marriage and respect each others' dreams and talents.

So I began my thirties in Europe. A three star Michelin restaurant in Paris full of Epicurious delights heralded in a year of travel and rebuilding. We had pressed the reset button on our relationship and we thought we had the foundations of what truly mattered to us sorted. We thought then, perhaps it is time to start a family. I thought that was what was missing. I began the journey to Motherhood with a lot of high standards. Being away from my friends and family in a melting pot of a city, I could decide on any way I wanted to bring up my child without the pressures of society. The people I hung out with just assumed I was adopting the Malaysian Chinese/ Australian way if I signed up to something different.

But it was precisely this approach that wore me out as a mother. So many decisions and so many right answers but not knowing what was right for us became daunting and overwhleming. Coupled with post-natal hormones and sleep deprivation, I crumbled slowly and my relationship with Mr.HEA with it. We fought and cried so much all three of us that I swore we couldn't go on. He accused me of not being prepared for motherhood, of spoiling her and of not wanting to be a mother, but it isn't that. I know. I adore her, my little girl and now that she is more independent, I know I couldn't have given her a better start in her life with what we had. I know we have to live with the actions we've shown her and fighting and shouting perhaps shouldn't have happened, but I stand by not letting her cry it out, I stand by the baby led weaning and the breastfeeding on demand and not succumbing to the formula in her early months. I was there when she needed me. I gave her all I could. Sure I was broken from it all and not a very good wife after it, but I never regretted having her. Mr.HEA was wrong. What I was wrong about, was that I underestimated how much of a mental shift it was to be a mother compared to before. I shouldn't have aimed to be a super wife, because that created a man who couldn't anticipate my needs and then when the going got tough, I was left on my own to fend for it all. He watched from the sidelines, refusing to support my approaches because he thought I should have been more like his mother in my methods. And I hated. every. minute.

Rant aside, we've come out of that now. I think I am a stronger mother, I'd gone back to work and made it work being a working mother. I am lucky enough now to be in a challenging role career wise, but also comfortable to not need to climb further whilst I let my daughter's needs take the spotlight. Sure I lament not being able to check out the latest hotspots in town or having girly dates out, or last minute theatre plans or even just time to myself. I have come to terms with the fact that this is just how it is being a mum.

My life is behind the scenes now. Making life choices and teaching a little human being the skills she needs to navigate this world with. I have become more hippy than ever and less eager to chase after the latest fashion styles or lifestyle trends. Life as a working mum with one child is manageable and good. We even have travelled to six countries with her so far and I have done two trips aside on my own.

Will I become something else next? The next chapter is surely not far ahead. A soccer mum? Will I give up my job for my kids and become a SAHM? I don't know just yet. I just know never to say never. We are embarking upon a new life the end of this year. It should be familiar, but perhaps different challenges will present themselves too. Not perhaps. They definitely will. I am becoming the mother of two. The doors will close on this easy life I know now. And one day they might open again with homework and sport events in tow. But please I implore you to not give up on me and to not judge my weaknesses. I assure you we are well. And Hopeful for a better start to Dumpling #2's introduction to this world.

More anecdotes from my 2year old

I know she is going on 12 I swear. On her birthday morning I found her in the lounge by herself reading her books and making animal noises to herself. Then when we said happy birthday to her she corrected us to sing her full name including middle and last name. 😳

We prayed for my grandmother a lot when she was unwell. My toddler contributed to the prayer by asking for Taipo to walk and stand again. When my grandmother passed away, I told my little one that Taipo has gone home to be with Jesus. She promptly says Taipo walk, Taipo stand and Taipo fly!

She was flipping through the Jack and Beanstalk book and then loudly declares that Jack was a naughty boy. I asked her how so and she said cause he took the giant's toys and didn't share.

She used to have an unhealthy obsession with my boobs. To wean her, I told her my boobs aren't for her anymore. Then she said very loudly one day whilst pointing at my chest "No nainai" which Mr.HEA took to mean she thinks I have no boobs 😒

Watching the Westminster terror news on BBC, she got excited by the picture of Big Ben on screen. Then she misheard the news of the policeman falling down so she declares the Big Ben has fallen down.

She walks in whilst I am sitting down to breakfast. Instead of Good morning, she says,"what are you doing sweetie pie?"

She's begun to read to herself a lot. She can memorise some words from some of the pages so she will say it with inflections that mimics how we must sound when reading to her. She's even memorised some of the full sentences and narrate the story based on the pictures. If we are around, she may also pick up the book to face us and point to something on the page like her educators at nursery does and say "See? See?"

Stalling bedtime she runs down a list of food demands to see which one I'd relent to. Upon being successful with her milk request, she quickly gulps down a cup and then asks me for milk again. I remind her she's just had some. She informs me "That's hot milk mummy. I want cold milk now."

Having given her a tub of yoghurt. I ask,"what must you say?" She replies whilst holding out the tub at me,"Open"

She saw me hiding the CDs that she loved playing with because I was afraid she may scratch them so she said," that's not funny mummy. It's not very nice"

When her daddy has done something or said something right she'll either say "Clever daddy" or "Well done daddy".

I walked in on her sticking a whole pack of shiny stickers on her daddy's face. "What are you doing?" She replies,"Making daddy pretty" 😂

It was raining when I dropped her off at nursery. By the time her daddy picks her up, it was drizzling still ( it is Britain after all). 2yr old shakes her hand exasperatedly in the air, "It's raining Again?!"

After a fun evening having dinner with her Godmother, she declares the next day she wants to wear yellow, just like Godma. I put her in the only Yellow top she has and she stares at it, me holding my breath in case there is a tantrum coming. Puzzled she asks,"Does Godma's jumper have a frog too?"

We had pizzas delivered one Friday night and she got really excited greeting them at the door. Early the next morning she greeted the IKEA delivery guys at the door with me and after seeing them lay down several large flat pack boxes, she demanded, "where's the pizza?"

After helping me put together a flatpack bench, her daddy walked in and asked her what she had built. Having never seen one before she looks at it unimpressed and responds,"Another table".

She thinks the dinosaur's name is Sarah-tops. And she wants to know where's the Mummy-saurus.

As she is eagerly learning dinosaur names, one evening she points to a dinosaur in her book and quizzes us on its name. Her daddy whips out his iPhone and we fervently compare the images until we settle on the dinasaur it most resembles and then attempt to learn it's Latin name. Once we thought we'd got it, we tried to teach her but she stares blankly at us and declares simply, "It's the Orange dinosaur".


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Immigrants

Lately I have been reading about Asians in South East Asia. The generations of migration from China in search of a better life and the culture they brought along with them and how they have built themselves through adversity integrating their beliefs into a new environment adapting and learning the language as they went along. With my family, we had been settled in Malaysia for three generations. Only one of my many thirteen aunts and uncles had moved overseas and even then, it was to Singapore so geographically and culturally it wasn't very distant.

My grandparents arrived in Malaysia when they were eighteen. Their sea passage was definitely a lot less pleasant than mine and they had far less resources to get them settled in. Yet they have left this world with a legacy they built themselves on Malayan soil; fourteen families they leave behind all established in their own lives and keeping the values instilled in them. We all heard the stories of the hardships they had to endure growing their young families and businesses in this foreign land. My grandmothers couldn't even read or write. I shudder to think how scary the world would have seemed to them in that age.

I reflect upon my life and how in my short thirty three years I have found myself forging life in three continents. Each time it is similar, well I guess I can't count Malaysia cause I was born there, but there's always the foreignness at first where you don't know how to get anything done. Mainly you don't know what the equivalents are so where do you go to find stuff? Who do you call to fix things? How do you size up the society and area to decide if it is somewhere you'd like to settle down in?

I remember always the feelings of homesickness initially, but also the tingling sense of excitement knowing an adventure is just beginning. There is the figuring out of curiosities, like how does one get from A to B whilst perusing the nest of coloured train lines on a local transport map, or how to set up your finances so that you can purchase things to make you feel more at home? Even getting a phone line or internet just seems so frustrating especially when you usually have to use the phone or internet usually to get these set up to begin with!

Then the fun begins of picking out where you'd like to live. Exploring new places and neighbourhoods, finding out where the locals would hang and imagining yourself in their shoes seeing if it fits you. Some suburbs are bustling and inviting, others quiet and serene, some just grey and cold and void of signs of life. I reflect on the many homes I have lived in in my lifetime, thirteen so far and I know I haven't yet found my forever home, does this make me a nomad?

When you've sorted that out you begin to attend social environments to meet new friends. This is usually the chance I get to reinvent myself. My first move to Sydney I wanted to lose my geekiness (it wasn't considered cool yet then) and be part of the 'cool' crowd that explored the bar and club scenes together as we had all just reached the drinking age. My second move to London I found myself more open to meeting people who I could connect with mainly young working people discovering London/Europe together but I didn't hide who I was at this stage because socially I was more certain of who I am by now and what I firmly like and don't like.

Then slowly, after a year usually, this new country suddenly feels like home. You don't have to look up where you are going everyday. In fact you walk purposefully because you have somewhere to be, someone who is expecting you to turn up. You know where to buy you favourites and your home no longer smells unfamiliar to you.

I wonder if this was how it was like for my grandparents, but I suspect not. The world was tougher on them and to some even these days, I know it is still tough for them. I am grateful. I want my daughter who has been born in a country that's different from her mum's and her dad's birth countries, different too from her grandparents and great grandparents, I want her to know where she's come from and I want her to know who we all are (and were).

If the world is a big place then hopefully, being descended from diverse cultures, she'd always find similarity between hers and the new people she's meeting. If the world is small then may she always find where she needs to be and can belong.

Last night I had a dream of all the housemates I had shared a place with since I left my parents' house and how now we decided to find a home together again. It didn't end pretty so I think I know that that was a time of my life we'd never be able to recreate. But I am ever grateful we had a chance at it to begin with.

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