Four years on

I know life is a dream for me these days. We are settling into some sort of new normalcy of what our life could be. We wake on a Sunday morning and the four year old requests birthday pancakes. Being a queen of my domain again I whip us up a batch and Daddy wakes in time to help crack the eggs and keep baby occupied enough for me to cook the batch. I even hand the girls each a plate with a pancake on it and watch them toddle off to set the table with their breakfast. This is sheer bliss. I love the new family life. The full kitchen table. The appreciative noms as my meals made are consumed.

I admit I am a lousy cook and I will need more practice to get back up to scratch again but bless my little family’s cotton socks. With a little bit of imagination; meals with bad food are forgiven. I made dark green muffins yesterday thanks to the amount of kale I dished into the TMX. Then I lied to my four year old in a stroke of genius when she teetered on making a scene about the green. “It’s Bogey-man cupcakes”. What does that even mean? But she makes up the stories as she goes. It turns little girls into monsters. It’s the food monsters eat. This morning for breakfast she demands a bogey man muffin and eats up my baked goods.

I cannot believe how lucky we are with our beautiful home. Our perfect lives with healthy children and a lovely group of people that surrounds us. I cannot allow myself to take this for granted. It’s been years in the making. It’s worth it. We’re worthy of it. We must keep on making sure we are worthy of it.

I love my cuddles with my girls and the chat from an excited four year old that remembers everything but makes up half of it anyways. It’s such an amazing mind that she’s developed. I know she knows the rules now and that she knows she’s not allowed to push certain boundaries. I trust her. Still, I find myself nagging all the time to remind them, “ Listening ears and gentle hands” is all I seem to be saying these days.

My four year old counts, sings, climbs, rides a bike and reads. Yesterday when I had had a rough night she served herself some breakfast to let me have a lie in. She’s independent, resourceful and thoughtful. Could I have asked for more? Growing up I thought I wanted boys, but now I can see the Lord’s plans are better. I needed my girls to teach me more about life that I didn’t even know I didn’t know.

On Friday I clicked Buy on four trees. I am doing that. Purchasing dwarf fruit trees for our backyard and a bay tree for our front porch. That’s the kind of life I find exciting these days. In my dream come autumn my little ones will be plucking apples from our own backyard orchard and I will be drying bay leaves and harvesting Sunflowers from the garden. Hah. I just know in reality it will likely be brown and shrivelled up shrubs that are overcrowded with weeds with my non- green thumbs. Stay tuned.

Another bit of news, I am doing things for myself again. At least it’s been planned. A solo trip to Sydney for a girly weekend for my Bestie’s wedding. And a 12 hour hike to Trolltunga on the horizon after that. It will be two bucket lists ticked. A yummy mummy’s getaway and completing one of
the world’s most beautiful nature trails. Whilst it isn’t quite my nature to be an outdoorsy person, I do enjoy solitude with Mother Nature and remember the rare moments fondly. Flashback to the cool soothing breeze in my hair as I cycled amongst the idyllic rice fields in Narita humming softly to myself, no soul,anger or anxiety in sight. Nowhere to go and nowhere else I’d rather be.

When the girls are older I’d like to take them out to the country and get them associated with that too. Until then, we conform, we abide, and try not to appear too unruly or out of place.

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HFMD

It’s nature’s way of telling me to slow down. We have had a glorious Chinese New Year in our new place. Far merrier than Christmas and it was due to all the relos flying in from all corners of the world.

I have had so much fun with a house full of children that the worries that come with overexcited children who are pumped full of sugar and lack sleep completely slipped our mind. The kids governed themselves and there were so many of them we often forgot at least one.

That week we had as usual a tumultuous reunion meal as an entire complete family and there were the usual condiments- tears, fights and tantrums. Thankfully no nudity and exposed nappies this time around but with five under ten it is almost impossible to guarantee that wouldn’t have been the case. We followed up with a lovely photo shoot taking inspiration from some famous family portraits. And then they trickled off to the airports, Heathrow, Gatwick... one by one our household of eleven reduced and the laughter diminished. I loved the jokes, digs and the stolen moments between the couples.

Amongst it all the littles demanded more of me. Fully worried they would be lost amongst the chaos, I had to give them even more attention than my usual. More cuddles, more laptime, more bedtime stories and more ‘Haks’ as my toddler would say with arms tightly wrapped around my neck. It is a humble moment. As I stoop bent down and she tips her toes to reach our embrace.

This CNY has been fraught with illness, death and worries in my Malaysian family and our little English haven has seemed quite cheery in comparison despite the cold and the unanswered rumination as to whether this could be our last time having everyone together.

I know I said I’ve had my last. And I know I really don’t think I could mentally and physically survive a third newborn, but I see my friends on social media in their pregnancy announcements of their third children and something about keeping up with the Jones tug at me regardless.

This household will be full of angst shortly though and the worries that come with raising wilful moody teenage girls will not escape us I am sure. Till then, it’s all I can bear to entertain. My Home, Family, Mothers and Dads journey has only just begun really as I let my toddler lie on me a little while longer, drifting away to reprieve from the multiple sores and ulcers on her hands, feet and mouth.






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Raising a child in London

Just know that this post has been two years in the writing. Londonkiwi Emma first suggested I write a post comparing motherhood here versus back home and I thought it was a great idea, but between figuring out the parenting thing and trying to build new friendships ( because making mother friends are a whole new social circle to invest time in), this all fell to the wayside.



It’s a new year though and whilst we’d always postponed decision making for 2019, we started talking recently about the question weighing on our minds; Are we going to move back home? We love our lives at the moment but London is a transient place and we have said goodbye to so many of our couple friends who have their kids here and then move home to be around family whilst raising their kids.



As our family is dispersed among Australia, Malaysia and Hong Kong, there isn’t a great pulling power for us to head home. If anything, I’d have to find my feet again and find out how to parent in Sydney all over. Figure out the schools, the good parks, find our favourite family restaurants, get weekly shopping done, getting used to new produce to suit my family’s tastebuds. It all seems a lot of effort and I’d give anything at the moment to just have a nice little updated Victorian terrace house in London to raise our children in.



So herewith is my list of London versus Sydney comparing how we’d raise kids in both.



1) NCT groups versus local council run mother groups.

I paid for our ante natal classes in London. It seems to be a thing all the new mums do to meet local mums here. The other locally run children centres and clinics don’t seem to have as much pull in my experience for meeting new mums. Perhaps because there isn’t a commitment for mothers to attend weekly since it’s free and so I haven’t really established good friendships through those. In Sydney I understand the local council runs mother groups and I have heard many sing praises of the friendships they’ve built from these groups that last beyond maternity leave and their children become fast friends. Half of our NCT group have moved away though since Greater London doesn't seem to be the place people tend to imagine themselves raising kids, too expensive, too polluted or not enough of a work life balance. Whilst this works for first time mums it generally doesn’t work for subsequent children though as toddlers will be bored at baby sessions or are sometimes generally not allowed. In this I’d say the alternative is to huddle with the other second time mums at toddler playgroups or classes and compare notes or commiserate together.



2) Walking versus driving everywhere.

I have become reliant on public transport in getting me everywhere with my children. Buses and trains take me directly to some free museums, city farms and parks that are extremely engaging for my little ones. In Sydney, I’d probably be looking to local libraries, parks and the beach for free kid friendly hangouts but most places are via driving access and I don’t know if I could get used to screaming babies in tow when I am battling traffic or finding a parking space.



3) Jumping in puddles versus heading to the beach.

Got Peppa Pig to thank for this one but in Autumn/ Winter British kids just live in Wellies. I must say it is a great way to encourage them to walk more as I almost never need a pram for our school run if I can assure her there’s a host of muddy puddles for her to look out for along our way home. If we were in Sydney however, our place was only fifteen minutes away from some of the best beaches in the world so I’d probably be slathering sunscreen on my toddler instead of slipping on wellie liners.









4) Compliance parenting versus Australian parenting styles.

British children are raised to be polite and obedient in a very traditional way. Children are just not allowed to tantrum in public. I remember a British old lady telling me off when I was letting my baby practice walking along the pavement one evening. She said to me this was going to take us all night to get home innit? With the Brits I can never quite tell if they are being passive aggressive or just wry. I usually respond in nervous giggles if in doubt of their intention. I find Australians conform to more modern if American styles of parenting, such as Breast is best, Baby led weaning and Gentle sleep training methods as opposed to formula feeding, purées and Crying it out. It may just be in my circle of experience but I did find I was on my own in London when I employed Australian preferred methods to my child rearing.



5) No poisonous spiders or lizards to worry about.

Seriously everything in Australia can kill you. Even the birds (according to this article). At most we get Spiders in the flat about a month of the year in UK. Otherwise you hardly ever see them. I just remember and still see on Facebook living in Sydney the terrors of encountering a Huntsman in your closet or a snake in your backyard. I am not entirely prepared to deal with that again especially with inquisitive children in tow.



6) Exposure to all sorts of first generation migrant cultures and a stronger tendency towards bilingualism

In London, as it is such a melting pot of immigrants, I find a lot of the children grow up learning at least two languages. Even the nursery my daughter attends teach French and Spanish as part of their curriculum. This is not something I experienced in Sydney, with most of my husband's contemporaries learning only English although perhaps there may be a shift towards teaching more Mandarin these days given the influx of Chinese migrants that are having children in Sydney and truthfully, for my cultural background, I would prefer that. Also my husband tells me that he is able to feel Australian here in London where else back home he was always made to feel Asian when someone was getting to know him. Subtle difference perhaps but I suppose he’d much prefer the former.



7) British tastebuds versus Australian tastebuds

Eating out in London with kids is boring. Their menus always seem to consist of battered fish or chicken goujons, sausages and some sort of pasta. Frankly, I'd prefer the restaurants to say yes they can do a kids sized version of some of the adult dishes so that our kids can experience a more diverse range of foods without waste. I see they do this in Australian cafes back home and I see children who love their food, eating a wide range of seafoods and cuisines. My own daughter won't even touch avocado, which is devastating for me.



8) The convenience of Amazon Prime. And just generally having access to all global brands available with delivery services.
I have gotten very used to the convenience of living in London with Amazon prime for everything. It sure makes it easier than heading out to the shops with two kids in British weather. This may not be as bad anymore in Australia with online shopping fast becoming a normality too in Sydney but still I thought it was worth a mention.




9) Everybody looks for outdoor space when looking for nurseries in London. Truth be told I don’t think we’d be different in Australia but I suppose good outdoor spaces are harder to find in London. And if you were wondering what to look for when visiting a nursery, I found this article to be helpful in your decision making. My daughter’s current nursery backs out onto the train tracks so I worry about noise pollution for her, but she hardly ever spends time outdoors in nursery so I have made peace with that in exchange for a convenient location for my commute to work around the school run.



10) Snow versus 47 celcius days
London days are cold. We have had many snow days this winter. Far more than I’d ever remember in my few years here. At the same time my Aussie friends’ kids are living in pools because it’s 47°c days down under. It is a huge contrast but given I have one daughter who simply melts in heat and another that finds the cold insufferable, My hands are tied for this one. I will say this though, the nicer weather in Oz does make it easier to organise gatherings at parks and beaches for kids. Here in London we struggle to find non-grotty indoor spaces to take our children to that won’t cost a fortune to play.

So there you have it. London has four clear wins, Sydney has three, and three points where it’s just as good on both fronts.

We might just stay that little longer then to make this work out for us.



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Things I wish I knew at 16

On beauty:

• That you'll develop your first awareness of wrinkles when you hit 28, but don't worry, after a year of a constant moisturising regime, their appearance will minimise. But gosh you should really be kinder to your eyes and neck.


• Freckles are the bain of your life. You do not discover this until you get to Australia two years later and lazily do not use sun screen for the first year of your life. From that point onwards, the damage could never be reversed. NEVER. Not even when you fraxeled them off for your wedding. Which by the way was a perfect waste of a thousand dollars.

 

On friendship:

• That 'bestie' you had at 16, isn't your bestie anymore now. In fact, you should never have moved in with her in Sydney.


• The friend that you judged all the time because you didn't understand her understands you better than you do her, and is so much better a person than you could ever hope to be. But never fear, you grow up to understand her better and she becomes your one true friend that is almost like your sister. Go easy on her, she deserves for you to be a better friend.

On fashion:

• The bags you buy, Don't obsess on the fashion items. They don't last in popularity for very long and you grow out of them too. And no they don't turn out to be the 'investment' pieces you expect them to be. Off-loading them is really hard and you don't get much money for them!


• That Gold jacket you will see in four year's time for $50. Leave it there. Don't even look at it another time. Walk away from it.


• You overobsessed with pink when you are 18. It will haunt you for a long time. Trust me.


• The harder you try to be different from everyone else, you'll one day grow up to want to be exactly like everyone else. So don't be too proud and too quick to judge.

On family and relationships:

• Love your brother more and be more patient with him when he needs you. One day, you won't be around anymore to guide him and he will be so lost without you, but I understand, you were lost yourself, even though you act like you've got it so together.



• Stop being so mean to your mum. She and you will have very little time together in two years time because you will leave Malaysia and you will hardly come home anymore.


• You'll end up marrying a guy that didn't meet any of the five criterion you listed out with your bestie the other day, but it's alright, he's the perfect man for you

• Don't be so tough on S when you're dating. Hold yourself together and be a kinder girlfriend to him, because he does change after marriage (despite all the things Mum told you were myths about men) and he is the kindest, most loving and understanding husband that hates to disappoint you. Hang in there until then.

Quick Apple Pies - Three Ways

Before my brother left, he bought about half a dozen of massive fuji apples and never finished eating them despite my nagging him to have an apple a day. So staring at the apples this weekend and knowing that he won't be back to claim them, I really began to miss him.

One of the memories I have of when he first came to live with me, was his claim that he made the best apple pie in his church back in Glen Waverley which spurred him on to buy all the ingredients necessary to build an apple pie from scratch. But I never got to taste this acclaimed apple pie.

So on a Good Friday morning, I picked up one apple and began peeling.

I  decided to use this Simple apple pie recipe and make it suit the 5 apples I had at my disposal.

Ingredients:

• 1 (6 sheets) package puff pastry
• 5 apples
• 2/3 cup packed brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons flour
• 2 teaspoons lemon juice
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1 beaten egg

Method:

1. Thaw puff pastry according to directions on package.
2. Peel, core and chop apples up coarsely.

 

3. Combine apples with sugar, flour, lemon juice, cinnamon and nutmeg.

4. Heat oven to 180°C.

5. Flour surface lightly

6. Cut pastry sheet into nine squares.Place approximately 2 heaped tsps apple mixture on one square, Score parallel lines in the middle of another square making sure you stop at least 1-2 cm from each side. Place scored second pastry square on the top of the already filled pastry to form a pocket. Press down border with fingers to seal and then press with fork to decorate the edges.

Or if you fancy a more rustic looking design:

6. Cut pastry sheet with a large circle cookie cutter, or like in my case, I traced mine with a martini glass. Place approximately 2 heaped tsps apple mixture in the middle of one, With the ends of the pastry sheets after cutting out the circles, I rolled them flat and then cut out strips the length of the circle's diameter. Arrange the strips on the top of the already filled pastry to form a latticed pocket. Press down border with fingers to seal and then press with fork to decorate the edges.

Or when you have done the first design and realised that cutting nine squares means you are always left with one odd square, you can fold it into a triangle puff with 1 heaped teaspoon of filling inside and crimp the edges to prevent spillage.

7. Place on ungreased cookie sheet and give each one an egg wash.
8. Bake for approximately 20 minutes or until golden.

There you have it. Individual Apple Pies - Three ways:

Empty

Look at the house now, it's the first time we have cleaned it and know that it will remain how we've left it. But yet, it feels more empty than clean.

Listen to the quiet, no more annoyance at your constant pacing and rummaging through the 'larder' for snacks. But yet, it feels more empty than peaceful.

The three years gone had been brutal on our relationship, both you and I constantly at each other's necks. We have been cruel in our teasing, selfish in our wants and proud in our most helpless times.

I remember when you were young and you first came back to live with us and I was jealous because I thought mum loved you more. Because I knew that one day they will rely on you and not me because you are their son and that is just the way...but yet today, I am relieved that they have you by their side and that no matter how hard they are on you, you will forgive and you will be there, strong and diligent.

I never said kind words. Only stern lectures. But when the tears dropped today at the airport... I hope you will see that I really do love you and that you can forgive me too, that we will always remain blood. Remain the kids we used to be. Sharing every moment of our lives and being each other's one and only sibling.

I miss you already.

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