Raising a child in London

Just know that this post has been two years in the writing. Londonkiwi Emma first suggested I write a post comparing motherhood here versus back home and I thought it was a great idea, but between figuring out the parenting thing and trying to build new friendships ( because making mother friends are a whole new social circle to invest time in), this all fell to the wayside.



It’s a new year though and whilst we’d always postponed decision making for 2019, we started talking recently about the question weighing on our minds; Are we going to move back home? We love our lives at the moment but London is a transient place and we have said goodbye to so many of our couple friends who have their kids here and then move home to be around family whilst raising their kids.



As our family is dispersed among Australia, Malaysia and Hong Kong, there isn’t a great pulling power for us to head home. If anything, I’d have to find my feet again and find out how to parent in Sydney all over. Figure out the schools, the good parks, find our favourite family restaurants, get weekly shopping done, getting used to new produce to suit my family’s tastebuds. It all seems a lot of effort and I’d give anything at the moment to just have a nice little updated Victorian terrace house in London to raise our children in.



So herewith is my list of London versus Sydney comparing how we’d raise kids in both.



1) NCT groups versus local council run mother groups.

I paid for our ante natal classes in London. It seems to be a thing all the new mums do to meet local mums here. The other locally run children centres and clinics don’t seem to have as much pull in my experience for meeting new mums. Perhaps because there isn’t a commitment for mothers to attend weekly since it’s free and so I haven’t really established good friendships through those. In Sydney I understand the local council runs mother groups and I have heard many sing praises of the friendships they’ve built from these groups that last beyond maternity leave and their children become fast friends. Half of our NCT group have moved away though since Greater London doesn't seem to be the place people tend to imagine themselves raising kids, too expensive, too polluted or not enough of a work life balance. Whilst this works for first time mums it generally doesn’t work for subsequent children though as toddlers will be bored at baby sessions or are sometimes generally not allowed. In this I’d say the alternative is to huddle with the other second time mums at toddler playgroups or classes and compare notes or commiserate together.



2) Walking versus driving everywhere.

I have become reliant on public transport in getting me everywhere with my children. Buses and trains take me directly to some free museums, city farms and parks that are extremely engaging for my little ones. In Sydney, I’d probably be looking to local libraries, parks and the beach for free kid friendly hangouts but most places are via driving access and I don’t know if I could get used to screaming babies in tow when I am battling traffic or finding a parking space.



3) Jumping in puddles versus heading to the beach.

Got Peppa Pig to thank for this one but in Autumn/ Winter British kids just live in Wellies. I must say it is a great way to encourage them to walk more as I almost never need a pram for our school run if I can assure her there’s a host of muddy puddles for her to look out for along our way home. If we were in Sydney however, our place was only fifteen minutes away from some of the best beaches in the world so I’d probably be slathering sunscreen on my toddler instead of slipping on wellie liners.









4) Compliance parenting versus Australian parenting styles.

British children are raised to be polite and obedient in a very traditional way. Children are just not allowed to tantrum in public. I remember a British old lady telling me off when I was letting my baby practice walking along the pavement one evening. She said to me this was going to take us all night to get home innit? With the Brits I can never quite tell if they are being passive aggressive or just wry. I usually respond in nervous giggles if in doubt of their intention. I find Australians conform to more modern if American styles of parenting, such as Breast is best, Baby led weaning and Gentle sleep training methods as opposed to formula feeding, purées and Crying it out. It may just be in my circle of experience but I did find I was on my own in London when I employed Australian preferred methods to my child rearing.



5) No poisonous spiders or lizards to worry about.

Seriously everything in Australia can kill you. Even the birds (according to this article). At most we get Spiders in the flat about a month of the year in UK. Otherwise you hardly ever see them. I just remember and still see on Facebook living in Sydney the terrors of encountering a Huntsman in your closet or a snake in your backyard. I am not entirely prepared to deal with that again especially with inquisitive children in tow.



6) Exposure to all sorts of first generation migrant cultures and a stronger tendency towards bilingualism

In London, as it is such a melting pot of immigrants, I find a lot of the children grow up learning at least two languages. Even the nursery my daughter attends teach French and Spanish as part of their curriculum. This is not something I experienced in Sydney, with most of my husband's contemporaries learning only English although perhaps there may be a shift towards teaching more Mandarin these days given the influx of Chinese migrants that are having children in Sydney and truthfully, for my cultural background, I would prefer that. Also my husband tells me that he is able to feel Australian here in London where else back home he was always made to feel Asian when someone was getting to know him. Subtle difference perhaps but I suppose he’d much prefer the former.



7) British tastebuds versus Australian tastebuds

Eating out in London with kids is boring. Their menus always seem to consist of battered fish or chicken goujons, sausages and some sort of pasta. Frankly, I'd prefer the restaurants to say yes they can do a kids sized version of some of the adult dishes so that our kids can experience a more diverse range of foods without waste. I see they do this in Australian cafes back home and I see children who love their food, eating a wide range of seafoods and cuisines. My own daughter won't even touch avocado, which is devastating for me.



8) The convenience of Amazon Prime. And just generally having access to all global brands available with delivery services.
I have gotten very used to the convenience of living in London with Amazon prime for everything. It sure makes it easier than heading out to the shops with two kids in British weather. This may not be as bad anymore in Australia with online shopping fast becoming a normality too in Sydney but still I thought it was worth a mention.




9) Everybody looks for outdoor space when looking for nurseries in London. Truth be told I don’t think we’d be different in Australia but I suppose good outdoor spaces are harder to find in London. And if you were wondering what to look for when visiting a nursery, I found this article to be helpful in your decision making. My daughter’s current nursery backs out onto the train tracks so I worry about noise pollution for her, but she hardly ever spends time outdoors in nursery so I have made peace with that in exchange for a convenient location for my commute to work around the school run.



10) Snow versus 47 celcius days
London days are cold. We have had many snow days this winter. Far more than I’d ever remember in my few years here. At the same time my Aussie friends’ kids are living in pools because it’s 47°c days down under. It is a huge contrast but given I have one daughter who simply melts in heat and another that finds the cold insufferable, My hands are tied for this one. I will say this though, the nicer weather in Oz does make it easier to organise gatherings at parks and beaches for kids. Here in London we struggle to find non-grotty indoor spaces to take our children to that won’t cost a fortune to play.

So there you have it. London has four clear wins, Sydney has three, and three points where it’s just as good on both fronts.

We might just stay that little longer then to make this work out for us.



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Tapping out of 2017

I am on top of my world. As in I feel in control. Sure there are days where I wished we had a forever home to raise our girls in. Sure I wished we had concrete plans for our future, but as it is currently, having had the baby's post-vaccination fever break yesterday and crawled out of two nights where both the baby and toddler has gone on sleep strike, I feel like maybe my life is in control again. Just a feeling.

Perhaps it is the fact that Christmas is so close I can forgive almost anything. Perhaps it is that my toddler is trialling pre-school for the first time today and she spent the whole morning saying she is a big girl now and can do things all by herself. Perhaps it is my second (and likely last) time doing the maternity leave thing and I am taking each day slowly and setting my own expectations. My baby is cute, my toddler is clever, I am proud as punch and my world is pretty much perfect.

A typical day this time around is driven by my baby's schedule. I am determined that she will get on routine and be trained gently to sleep. I am in no hurry to go anywhere, to try new places or to enrol her in any classes. There are absolutely no pressures as to whether I am doing it right or wrong this time. I am just doing what's right for us. This way I feel at peace and happy. I can't tell if my hormones are more balanced this time around. I can't tell if it's confidence from experience that's creating this harmony. I just know that I don't doubt my parenting decisions with the baby as much as I did with my firstborn.

I still do worry about my firstborn. With her everything is unchartered territory. I am saddened when I see her shy away and shrink into a corner like a wallflower. I don't necessarily need her to excel or be the most popular. All I ask for is that she has at least one true friend and that she has the self-confidence to navigate this world and to try to learn new things. Lately she has developed this need to win at everything. She constantly turns everything we do into a competition and derives pleasure in declaring she's won. I suppose this must be Peppa Pig's doing, I don't want to curb the ambition for perfection, but I don't want this to mean she won't try something unless she knows she can be good at it. If anything, I'd rather she tried new things with fervour and then work hard at perfecting it by doing her best. It may be too much to ask of a thirty-three month old.

I am not going to let the worries and mental burden of motherhood defeat me. My 2018 will be spent making new mothers alliances and adapting our lifestyle further to life as a family of four especially as I go back to work and apply for schools for my firstborn. Here’s me, tapping out of 2017 with confidence and at peace with myself. Happy holidays. See you on the other side.

Duplo and Playmobil playsets for toddlers

This post is only sponsored by my imagination and is not an ad. When I was growing up I don’t think we ever got anything as cool as a Playset. I didn’t even have a proper dollhouse, I used to fashion them out of cardboard and shoe boxes which always got discarded every few months upon which I would proceed to construct a new one again. Fueled by Enid Blyton stories of little children who would have exquisite dolls houses or who would save money to buy furniture piece by piece for their doll houses, I imagined myself a little girl that lived in England too saving my pennies to spend at the village toyshop.

Researching Christmas gift options as well as expanding our toy collection for independent play these Winter months post Christmas, I’ve decided I want to set up my toddler’s dollhouse. I had picked it up from a thrift store a couple of years ago for £3. This house has served as a shape sorter and other sensory activities for a while but as I have noticed her advancing in her imaginative play with Duplo (constructing cupcakes, rockets, motorbikes, buses and microphones), I wanted to nudge that along with more props.



Initially I experimented with ‘creating furniture’ for her dolls house with Duplo just to observe her role playing abilities. They work well enough for the Duplo family to live in but it does leave a lot to the imagination (I am also quite possibly living vicariously through her).



With another daughter newly born this Christmas, I needed something that would suit both ages (read: no small fiddly parts but would stretch on beyond the lifespan of a couple of years so that they hopefully can play together). Happyland suits tiny tots best for role play, but they do not sell furniture separately as all parts come fixated in their playhouses. Plus there was no room to ‘arrange’ the furniture layout which to me is a vital skill to develop in the role play.

It also dawned upon me one day observing her play that she’s really gotten attached to her Duplo characters as she seems to introduce her new favourite toys to them ( I saw her play out a BFG style story one day when her robot baby descended upon her Duplo Disney peeps) so I figured she will likely incorporate them into the dollshouse when she begins playing. Therefore the furniture needed to suit her host of Duplo characters.

Eventually I settled upon purchasing three Playmobil dollhouse furniture sets (spending £35 at George including delivery): the vintage bathroom, the living room and the children’s rooms.



The playhouse we have had five rooms: a lounge, a kitchen diner with a built in fridge, a bathroom and two bedrooms. My plan is to introduce the bigger pieces this year as her Christmas gift, stowing away the smaller pieces for a couple of years until I know the baby is old enough to play with the smaller parts safely.






Is it wrong that I can’t bear to wait the three weeks till Christmas when she would get this present?


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My first days as a SAHM to two under three

Mum left last night. It was a new day and thank goodness the toddler had slept through the night as it was the first time ever someone wasn’t there to stop her from coming into our room.

At half past seven she comes in with a sheepish grin and I pass the baby to my husband to prepare to cuddle her. Something wasn’t right. She smelled of poo! She hadn’t had an accident for over a month! But I guess whilst she’s in deep sleep it doesn’t count. Unfortunately she’s stuck her fingers in the diaper since the accident too. On that first morning I was sent off on a wild goose chase after her trail of things she’s touched, after I had stuck her in the shower to hose her down.

Sheets changed on both her bed and ours, I settled down to read with and to feed my baby, and I still find poo on her. On her ear where she’d scratched it. I also find some later on in the day. To top it all off, sometime that morning, when the baby was crying I saw to my horror the toddler stuck her index finger into her mouth to pacify her! I hope I had gotten out all the traces of faeces from that finger.

Crappy morning aside, I tried unsuccessfully to make pizza that day as Fridays were usually pizza night. First I forgot the yeast in the dough so it was added as an after thought. Then I forgot to get the salami and pepperoni so unless I was making margheritas for dinner, it just wouldn’t cut it. We ended up with a Tuscan sausage soup for dinner.

The toddler wouldn’t nap, which meant that I couldn’t get too much rest myself. But she did surprise me with loads of independent play ( amazing what games some silicone cupcake mounds can inspire in a toddler’s mind) so that I managed to get a few Black Friday deals and make our meals. For our trip out for the day, I tried to do our weekly shop with the toddler and bub in tow. I thought it may be challenging but Ms 2 yr 8 mths proved to be the best little helper. She managed to pull the trolley around the shop, piling it with groceries, then she unloaded it onto the conveyor belt and subsequently loaded them into the pram’s shopping basket after they’d been scanned through and paid for. Amazing effort!

Just as I am struggling through the day with sleep deprivation and the onset of a cold, the toddler brings me a cup of pretend tea which really warms the cockles of my heart.






That evening I looked forward to crawling into bed at nine pm when the toddler’s gone to bed. Mr Hea was tasked with the bedtime feed for the baby. What could possibly go wrong?

He doesn’t screw the bottle on properly and my expressed milk all comes spilling out as soon as he’s put it in. He then pulls out formulae and proceeds to feed her on our bed whilst catching up with me on the day. Before I know it, our baby is throwing up on the new sheets because she has taken the formula too quickly and it is too heavy for her. Mr HEA hasn’t bothered to use the hand towel I had suggested he use as a bib so I am dragged out of bed to change the baby and the sheets again. As the husband tries to hurry me back to bed, grabbing the bub, he bobs her head on the cupboard and she doesn’t like it. Just in case this doesn’t round up the brilliant day, the onesie I’ve grabbed off the pile for my baby announces,”My Mummy thinks she’s in charge. That's cute.”

I think I’ve been owned.

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39 weeks in 3 weeks out

She is everything my firstborn wasn’t. She had a far less traumatic introduction to this world and mentally we were so much more prepared and organised to welcome her than we were with our first. Funny how your brain retains muscle memory on how to care for a newborn despite this one being far more wriggly than our first. Things like breastfeeding and how to change their diaper just all come back to you as you wizz through it with the efficiency and competence that only a second time parent can have.

We look at the newborn world that surrounds us now and it’s fun for us to play ‘spot the first time parents’ because they are so scared and bewildered. Much like we were then. She doesn’t get picked up until she makes urgent cries, she is coddled much less, and only changed if she doesn’t pass the smell test. Yet she is content. Mummy doesn’t even keep track of her feeding and sleeping patterns like she did rigidly with S. I had to ask my mother when was the last time I bathed/ top and tailed L. Newborns just seem so much cleaner than toddlers who need to be washed so many times a day and bathed daily because they are just big germ bags.

Yes compared to her sister she is the sweet one now because there is no sass, only coos. She doesn’t try to manipulate us for treats or to delay bed time. We don’t have to treat her like a ticking tantrum mine field and she certainly seems assertive enough when poked at or roughly manhandled by her older sibling. With our firstborn we worried that we would kill her. With the second, we worry the toddler will.

What an incredible journey! Tiring and painful at the time but so hazy now as comfortably we slip into being a family of four.

From the three hours of active labour where I had to mentally psych myself into pushing her out on no pain relief all the while praying for the strength to see it all through, to the late night uterine cramps where I swore I was better off being in labour, through to the night I cried big tears because my milk came in and I was going beserk with the hormones. I thought of throwing in the towel. The magnitude of the toil ahead of us seemed all too much to bear. As I cuddle my slowly unfurling bundle of joy today those events fade away into distant memory.

Slight confession: the first two weeks, I missed my big girl. I had to watch her struggle to be independent of me. It hurt when she got used to having Daddy do things for her that used to be my domain. I missed being her ‘best friend’ as she called us. I can see that she missed me too as she asked me daily worriedly if I was feeling better. I missed my firstborn so much I didn’t really bond with my second. My toddler had a personality and I could communicate with her but the baby was just a non-verbal blob. I sat in silence with her in the still of the night although naggingly my memory tells me I used to sing lullabys and tell S my hopes and dreams for her during the newborn nights.

The maternal instinct towards L came very very late and I wondered about that adage that supposes your heart grows to accommodate the love you have for both. I watched like an outsider as my husband eagerly lavished affection on the baby and noted without passion how lovingly he sang and played with her during her brief waking moments in the day. I recoiled every time he would say ‘I think she needs a feed’. Perhaps it was the uterine cramps or the fact that I was tired and so immobilised by becoming a newborn’s mother again. I was sure relieved to find my own interest in my second child develop in the third week. Perhaps it made me feel more human.

We plod on. Soon my mother will excuse herself from our lives as she returns to her own. I have enjoyed the extra hands she's lent us the past so many weeks. I remember the helplessness I felt when she left the last time she was here to help with my firstborn. I am sure to feel it again especially when witching hour descends upon us and my toddler dissolves into a hot boiling mess at the same time. Still other people manage and the long evenings get drowned somehow in pools of hazy memories. Those are the ones who go back to wishing for another newborn to cuddle and to keep by their side little for just that while longer. I hope not for me. I must settle into nuzzling L more each long night and enjoying the tears that they will let me soothe and wipe away now, before they grow up and tell me in their big girl bravery," I want to do this myself."


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