Perhaps it is the fact that Christmas is so close I can forgive almost anything. Perhaps it is that my toddler is trialling pre-school for the first time today and she spent the whole morning saying she is a big girl now and can do things all by herself. Perhaps it is my second (and likely last) time doing the maternity leave thing and I am taking each day slowly and setting my own expectations. My baby is cute, my toddler is clever, I am proud as punch and my world is pretty much perfect.
A typical day this time around is driven by my baby's schedule. I am determined that she will get on routine and be trained gently to sleep. I am in no hurry to go anywhere, to try new places or to enrol her in any classes. There are absolutely no pressures as to whether I am doing it right or wrong this time. I am just doing what's right for us. This way I feel at peace and happy. I can't tell if my hormones are more balanced this time around. I can't tell if it's confidence from experience that's creating this harmony. I just know that I don't doubt my parenting decisions with the baby as much as I did with my firstborn.
I still do worry about my firstborn. With her everything is unchartered territory. I am saddened when I see her shy away and shrink into a corner like a wallflower. I don't necessarily need her to excel or be the most popular. All I ask for is that she has at least one true friend and that she has the self-confidence to navigate this world and to try to learn new things. Lately she has developed this need to win at everything. She constantly turns everything we do into a competition and derives pleasure in declaring she's won. I suppose this must be Peppa Pig's doing, I don't want to curb the ambition for perfection, but I don't want this to mean she won't try something unless she knows she can be good at it. If anything, I'd rather she tried new things with fervour and then work hard at perfecting it by doing her best. It may be too much to ask of a thirty-three month old.
I am not going to let the worries and mental burden of motherhood defeat me. My 2018 will be spent making new mothers alliances and adapting our lifestyle further to life as a family of four especially as I go back to work and apply for schools for my firstborn. Here’s me, tapping out of 2017 with confidence and at peace with myself. Happy holidays. See you on the other side.
